Hi SWEngineer75 -You are allowed to feel proud of and supportive of her. Marriage Success is defined by you only. Be okay with that, and don't look for anyone else's validation. You have to be honest with yourself only. You can come here and vent anytime—even if your experience is different from others! 

Hey Sweengineer!
Just here to say that you are not the only angerless person here. You can read my posts to get the idea. I am almost one year since finding out and separating, and I was never angry. I can’t say I am
proud of my ex, but that is because I coonect the word “pride” with ego, but I am happy that he is living what he truly feels.
As I joined this forum I also felt a bit lost, and even judged some members for being angry and stuck for what I thought was too long. But i realized how different we all are, and how different our relationships were. I am still so incredibly grateful to have found this place and these people here.
I never doubted if my ex loved me, because I know he did. We had a great, loving realtionship and were best friends. The fact that he is more attracted to men honestly never hurt my ego, but it did break my heart.
And another thing… I am so much better. I live, and love my life. The pain about the ex comes sometimes as a cloud, and then it passes, but it doesn’t debilitate me anymore. Honestly, I love this man and now I am thinking- how great that we had our time together, how great that we grew together, and how great that he dared to let it go and live his truth. I will be fine. Already am.
Sending you love!

Great advice above. Everyone has their own journey. I was mad, about a year ago. My life has done nothing but get better since the split. My ex is not a good person and she has done and continues to do awful things. Sharing that story with others does not make one angry. It's just sharing the story. I hope you stay, as I believe people who land here need to hear and read all kinds of different stories. Ultimately, they will come to their own conclusions and go down their own path/journey. 

Thanks for being here and posting. I hope you never feel the anger. Time heals all wounds. For me, I will never be more grateful for it all, because I wouldn't be where I am now, had I not experienced what I did. 

With us it's like with you and your ex- we have so much love for each other. But we don't see each other much at the moment. We even live in the same building. As he came out I knew I wanted to move out quickly because being together in one apartment was torture, so I moved within the same building. He offered to move out but I knew I needed new walls around me, and there are also other reasons having to do with my job that make this building perfect for me. I realise that me knowing that he is still just one floor away doesn't make it easier for me, but that is just how it is. But I have to say, and this is bad, that it also feels good to know that he is close. 
tWe used to meet more often, talk, cry, or just call each other when one of us needed help with some tasks. Six moths ago his new partner moved in. Now, I really am not a jealous person. What he has with his new parter has nothing to do with me. But I still don't want any contact with his new person. I also know the story of how they met and moved in together, and it is a weird one (not just my feeling, everyone around my ex is confused by this). 
I would never ever interfere in their life, but my ex knows that if he talks to me, I will be honest. (He talked to me about his first gay relationship and it turned out exactly how I told him it would). So right now, my ex wants to live in his ""bubble", and talking to me would burst it. And I respect his life and his wishes, so I'm staying away. So for the last couple of months we see each other much less, and talk less. 
But the closeness between us is still there, and that is the most beautiful and painful part. I read somewhere that grief is just love with nowhere to go. I guess it is easier for him because he moved on, for me that part is the hardest. I will always love him, but I have to learn a new way to love him. And I  have absolutely no doubt that when more time passes we will be able to share more of our lives together and be there for each other, just in a new way.


 

Last edited by ellierigg (March 14, 2024 6:16 am)

Lily - thank you for the words of wisdom.

Everyone has a different journey. I remember many times on this forum where I would get mad at myself for not being able to "move on" like others were doing. And I've felt the judgement and been told many times to move on, stop being angry, let it go, don't get stuck being so negative....and, honestly, it made me feel even worse.

Your journey takes as long as it takes. But I agree, I don't understand why everyone is so afraid of the "negative" emotions. 

There is nothing wrong with being angry, hurt, betrayed, resentful, even hateful. It's all a part of the process. I grew up in home where showing any extremes in emotion was "bad" and crying was seen as weakness. Over the past few years I think I've experienced enough emotions for a lifetime....and I actually feel better. When I just took a step back and stopped trying to control my feelings and stopped trying to now allow anything negative, I finally felt some of the healing starting.

Whether you experience anger or not in the process.....embrace the emotions you have, listen to what they have to say, and work your way through whatever comes - the good, the bad and the ugly.

I can say that, at first, I was very supportive and I wasn't angry. That lasted for over 3 years before the bubble burst - so everyone early on in this process, be aware it takes awhile to process, and you're likely going to experience a roller coaster of the good and the bad, and all are perfectly normal.