I'll never get acknowledgement from A. He won't look me in the eye and honestly talk about his inner self so I can only guess the why of it.
I don't even want to ask him hard questions because I feel any apology/admission should come from him. No prompting from me.

It was easier once the decision to leave was made...to put the thought of forgiveness on a shelf where it may gather dust but I can always dust it off if he ever finds a conscience

Elle

People tend to get very judgmental if you refuse to go along with "forgiveness" but I'm doing fine without having to forgive.  It wasn't just the cheating, and the lying about being gay.  I found out about a year into the divorce process, when I finally got a look at the bank statements, he'd been skimming off money for the entirety of our marriage.  I have no idea where he parked it all.  So my feeling is, in the unlikely event he ever expresses remorse, he's gonna have to make thing right.  And I know that's never going to happen.

Forgiveness is for YOU. It will help YOU move past all of the pain easier but the PTSD of trauma will rear its ugly head during triggers. You must make sure you take care of yourself during these times. You are stronger than you know and this too shall pass. Forgiveness isn't about forgetting nor to say to the other person that what they did was ok. It's not.You may always carry this with you but doesn't have to rule your life. Prayers for you. Remember,  narcissistic people will not apologize for things they feel they have a RIGHT to....you may never get that and you can also kill them with kindness.

I came on today to post a question. My question fits perfectly on this feed. I am coming up on a year of discovery. My divorce was final in November. I have gotten apology after apology. My difficulty right now is that I am angry and sad, with the realization that my ex may have found someone else. After all, he doesn’t have to whore around anymore. Now he can find a relationship that is meaningful. I still love him very much, and I was willing to move forward in a sexless relationship/marriage. He was my best friend. We were married for 24 years together for 26. We have one daughter. She is an adult and in college. I know she is having a difficult time as well. My question is, I want to be happy for him for finding his authentic life and a partner, but how? How can I be happy for him? My therapist would tell me I don’t need to be happy for him. So, is it jealousy? I have no desire to be in a relationship with anyone. I am totally happy being solo at this time in my life. I’m 60 and have no desire to move forward in another relationship. I have many friends and a rich, social life. Still, I can’t get over the fact that he has moved on and found someone. Even if it isn’t true, it will be eventually. He is the one who wanted this and wanted to live his authentic lifestyle. Again, how can I deal with these feelings of jealousy?

The posts by M-kate and TeeWee made me finally register and decide to post because they spoke to me. These forums so often are filled with anger (while totally understandable because I also have anger), the anger is not helpful in getting out of this emotional hole.
I am struggling mightily with forgiveness and not feeling angry and resentful. Yesterday was the 1 year "anniversary" of my wife coming out to me. She never cheated on me, but very soon after disclosure started a relationship with her co-worker and said she was in love. 
She has apologized a thousand times to me, but it all comes off as words compared to the actions. We had been together for 16 years, I'm 40 now, basically our entire adult life, have two young children, and are scheduled for our divorce hearing in a month after mediating to an agreement last October.

There is nothing to be bitter about regarding the divorce, the child custody, money, doing things behind my back, etc. But to me, those are the details about life, love is what makes life worth living. Its all so soulbreaking, this was my person, my partner in everything, our relationship always felt to me like a dream. She is conscientious to me, but is also moving on from me and its heartbreaking. Like TeeWee is dealing with on the difficulty that their partner may have found someone else. It would be one thing to disclose this thing and make us both alone, but she never experienced what I have for the last year of not only being dropped by the most important person in the world to you, but to also be alone during that time and feeling the emptiness of that void in your life. 

I want her back in my life, but I would need to forgive her in order to do that. Finding a way to forgive and come face to face with her hand in hand with her girlfriend just seems impossible.