OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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1 of 1- M-Kate
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MorandMore group
I just became a member of the morandmore group. I gather it's for mixed orientation couples. I'll give it a chance. Perhaps it will help me, but so far, it's hard for me to appreciate all of celebrating. How can these women be so happy and supportive of their bi husbands who want to have extramarital sex with men (or anyone)? Many of them seem fine with it and are so proud of their husbands for accepting their true feelings. Perhaps I'm just not as enlightened as they are. I doesn't make me happy to know that my husband would love an open marriage so that he could explore his homosexuality. It also doesn't make me happy to believe that he may do it again if he thought he could get away with it. Many of the women on the site claim that their husbands haven't cheated. I'm skeptical. They may not know. My husband deceived me very easily for 29 years.
Last edited by M-Kate (January 24, 2024 4:28 pm)
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: MorandMore group
Mkate.. I'll check MaM out when I get home to my laptop but in the end there are only two ways to be happy in this situation. A) You're either okay with a bi or gay partner or B) you're not.
Good on you for the research you're doing because you'll reach a determination about your life and what you truly want in it
Elle
KIA KAHA
- CMaree23
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Re: MorandMore group
Hello M-Kate
Thanks for joining our group. 🙂 Your feelings are valid and your story sounds like it has been a complicated one. The point of our group is positivity and making our mixed orientation relationships happy, healthy, and successful. And yes, our intent is to learn to celebrate our partners as opposed to begrudgingly accepting them. That is the only way you can have the important conversations that you need to have. It is the only way to move forward from a place of just surviving, to a place of peace and love. I am not here to try to tell you your pain is not valid. You remaining with your husband speaks to your strength and willingness to love and forgive him.
My entire drive for creating my group years ago was comments like this...
"Many of the women on the site claim that their husbands haven't cheated. I'm skeptical. They may not know."
We're there to uplift and support others. We're not there to scare people into not trusting their partners or scare them into never trusting them again if mistakes have been made. There are plenty of negative places out there to make people feel worse. We strive to not be another one of them. It's perfectly ok if we are not the group for you, although we do hope you will stick around and see how others have made it work despite the pain they felt early on.
Last edited by CMaree23 (January 24, 2024 11:58 pm)
- Alex1984
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Re: MorandMore group
Hi CMaree23,
My husband is on a journey of exploring his sexuality (in therapy and in conversations with me; and, possibly, now out in the world, too). I think it is possible he will arrive at a conclusion that he is bi-sexual (or even gay).
I feel like my life is in a holding pattern right now, but I am starting to think through possible future options for our marriage. He really wants to stay married (we have been married for 8 years and have a beautiful, blended family). As for me, I am not sure. Currently, I feel like I can be comfortable with the open relationship idea, but it is the same-sex attraction that is bugging me the most, I think. (How do I compete with men??). I would love to connect with women in similar situations and hear some positive examples of when the mixed-orientation marriages actually work. Currently, I mostly hear that mixed-orientation marriage is almost always "a path" into a true gay-hood and that it only works for a while.
I would like to know how is bi-sexuality satisfied or managed in the mixed-orientation marriage? How do you "come-out" to your community as a couple? Do you "come-out" at all? We haven't told anyone yet, as he wants to finish his "discovery journey", but I personally find it exhausting to carry this secret with me.
I am not on Facebook, unfortunately. Is there any other ways to connect? Maybe a support group or a Zoom call or a coffee. I am based in New Zealand.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: MorandMore group
Alex1984 wrote:
.... I am based in New Zealand.
Welcome to the Forum Alex. I live in New Zealand too..in Wellington
Elle
KIA KAHA
- Alex1984
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Re: MorandMore group
Great to meet you, Elle! I'm in Auckland. It would be great to connect at some stage. He is (well... now, reluctantly, we are) still fully closeted about all this, so I can't really talk to many people. Have you managed to maintain your relationship/marriage? My husband is really keen to stay married and sees no issue in his bi-sexuality. He believes our relationship will only grow stronger from now. I am still figuring out how I feel about it. He is certainly not a cheating type and I trust him that he will not sleep with anyone, unless we explicitly agree on having the open relationship. Still, it feels like we are living on a ticking time bomb...
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: MorandMore group
...... He is (well... now, reluctantly, we are) still fully closeted about all this, Have you managed to maintain your relationship/marriage? My husband is really keen to stay married and sees no issue in his bi-sexuality. He believes our relationship will only grow stronger from now. I am still figuring out how I feel about it. He is certainly not a cheating type and I trust him that he will not sleep with anyone, unless we explicitly agree on having the open relationship. Still, it feels like we are living on a ticking time bomb...
"ticking timebomb" LOL...yeah good analogy 
I gave our (then) 32 yr r'ship three years to see if anything would change in how I felt about his wish for exploration. My then partner A. was still intent on persuading me to agree to some form of sexual leniency and freedom for him even after all the reticence, confusion and emotion I'd often expressed. We had had an open r'ship for 4 years and of course he loved it but it only proved to me he could separate his life as a bisexual man...and the life he shared with me. I learned once I agreed to an open r'ship I couldn't go back and UNagree. Kind of like it's no good shutting the stable door when the horse has already bolted. Trust had gone. Without it we simply were no longer 'us' as far as I was concerned
After 3 years I made the decision to no longer be intimate with A. Told him clearly that I no longer trusted him to be open & honest with me and the next 3 years were spent thinking about, talking about, preparing for separation. A. didn't say much and as I'd decided to not have any more tortured, one-sided discussions (arguments) I didn't say much either.
A year ago I told him I'd filed for separation and was moving to Wgtn. Our split was amicable/respectful because he's professional & a problem-solver above all I think.
Life is different. My whole world, after 38 years together, has changed totally but I no longer have the mistrust that tinted my every day. I don't regret it.
I didn't stay for him. I left for me.
Elle
Edited to say.....I've just spotted your post about "but would consider a threesome. When discussing this idea, he seems to be very sure he doesn't want to have sex with a guy. He thinks he will enjoy touching and watching me/him."
The suggestion, by the man you love....of a 3-some with another man is like adventure! excitement! If you're a woman with a healthy libido you'll see it as a good thing. "it'll enhance and improve our love" That is how A. pulled me in to the open r'ship. It was all about us....until it became more about him.
Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (February 21, 2024 8:35 pm)
KIA KAHA
- Alex1984
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Re: MorandMore group
Hi Elle
I am so sorry you had to go through all this. I know there are some positive examples of MoMs but those seem to be rare. This is not my first marriage and I know how to leave, so when/if at any stage it becomes about him, not us, be that sex, romance or just everyday lives, I will leave. All of my previous relationships were with very-very straight men. There are some downsides to them as well. I thought I found a special one... well, he sure is 😅
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: MorandMore group
Hi Elle
I am so sorry you had to go through all this......
I've had a few people say "oh...I am sorry..." but you know....it is what it is. A huge learning curve, and even though I was with A for longer than I wasn't...I prefer to look forward because I'm not going back
Good luck in your own journey. I'm here to answer any questions you have for me
Elle
KIA KAHA
- Alex1984
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Re: MorandMore group
Hi Elle
I am so sorry you had to go through all this......I've had a few people say "oh...I am sorry..." but you know....it is what it is. A huge learning curve, and even though I was with A for longer than I wasn't...I prefer to look forward because I'm not going back
Good luck in your own journey. I'm here to answer any questions you have for me
Elle
This is the best approach! You are doing everything right. Stay strong. The Universe got you. Kia kaha