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June 22, 2016 4:43 am  #1


Another step

Last week my ex texted me regarding her planned vacation with our son, which begins next week. She wanted to tell me that she forgot that our divorce agreement requires her to notify me if she is leaving the state with him. We live in New York and they will be going to Maryland and N. Carolina with her lesbian girlfriend and her 2 kids for a wedding.

When she told me this I recognized instantly that she was trying to evoke emotion in me and begin an argument. I disappointed her I think because I wished them all a good time and offered to get some travel goodies for our 3 year old.

It felt like I was taking a piece of my sanity back. She doesn't get to control my emotions. I will miss my son like crazy, but our vacation is coming up next month.

 

June 22, 2016 7:17 am  #2


Re: Another step

Good for you todd.  My lezex had sent me a big long text about my one kid the other day.  She was asking me to do something..  while the text involved one of the kids I have a hard time telling if what she says is true or not.  Her credibility with me is zero.

My reply...no reply..no contact.  I could tell she was looking for a reply.  Many hours later she confirmed this by texting me again asking for a response.  My reply..no reply..no contact. 

Besides her not deserving a reply the real reason I didn't reply to these is I got the sense she was looking for some validation of what she was saying.  I could not decide if what she was saying was true or not.   If I replied I felt I was somehow validating what she said..making it true..of course in the text she had some fault directed at me.

I think your ex doing the crossing over state lines and vacation notification could possibly have no connotations at all..  but it's so hard to tell with these liars.

No contact or replying a day later, when you damn well feel like it, does show them that they are not worthy of an instant reply..they gave up any control over us. They are not entitled to an instant reply.  Unfortunately my lezex know my kids get an instantaneous reply so she asks stuff through them when needs a reply quickly.   But that's ok..my kids get my fierce strong love now.  Her..she's entitled to same attention I would give a telemarketer..a stranger..actually I argue they are kinder.

Your response to support the trip etc was great..our kids get our absolute support regardless of where they are.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

June 23, 2016 6:56 pm  #3


Re: Another step

That's awesome, Todd. I have a really hard time not fighting my ex when I know he's being stupid and petty (which only hurts the kids). You showed wonderful restraint! I'm learning from a friend who is both a divorce lawyer and was left by her cheating husband with a 1 and a 2 year old, that answering in 6 words or less is helpful, as is "my lawyer will get back to you on that." I know you're past the divorce, but those help keep me semi-sane.

Last edited by Sue (June 23, 2016 7:00 pm)


"You want a man who messes up your lipstick, not your mascara."
 

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