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Wed Jan 17 12:15 pm  #891


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

Thanks Sean.  Just to clarify, not sure if it really matters, but I have never had intercourse or even touched another man, and my husband has never asked me to. In our threesomes, I may give my husband and the other guy a striptease lap dance which leads to both men playing and sucking my boobs at the same time. I always pay attention to my husband while the other guy is fondling/playing with me. Until eventually we ask the other guy to leave and me and my husband have sex. Which is always amazing.

When I did ask my husband what about the whole thing he enjoyed, he explained it as being a "mancho/ego" thing of the other person can touch a little but I only have sex with my husband, and the other guy "can't have me". Call me crazy but I love the attention.

I am getting a test today and just taking things day by day. I am keeping my guard up and will pay more attention to certain things. 

Thanks again for all your sweet words of encouragement and support.

LB

 

Wed Jan 17 1:30 pm  #892


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

Sean wrote:

Thanks LB and Roo. In response to your posts: 


[b]4. Roo: But when we do have sex, I always have to talk dirty...he likes/wants me to call him my little slut fag*** and to talk about big dicks (for both of us). This seems to get him really umm, horny. He definitely likes to be in the submissive role. He even said he would 'dress up' for me. He loves when I play the dominant-mistress-very aggressive role
 

 
Just to point out that this is very much what I (and ? OOHC) experienced with our crossdressing/trans partners.

Dressing
Domination / femdom / dom mistresses
Humiliation
Excited by penetration
Submission

These are all pretty standard in the world of crossdressers / sissys /trans

 

Wed Jan 17 4:01 pm  #893


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

Thank you for sharing LP and Duped. I'm glad you posted Duped and hope that LP will contact both you and Out of his closet (OOHC) for guidance. There are similarities in your stories.

LP wrote:

​1. Just to clarify, not sure if it really matters, but I have never had intercourse or even touched another man, and my husband has never asked me to.

Understood.

2. In our threesomes, I may give my husband and the other guy a striptease lap dance which leads to both men playing and sucking my boobs at the same time. I always pay attention to my husband while the other guy is fondling/playing with me. Until eventually we ask the other guy to leave and me and my husband have sex. Which is always amazing.


Far be it from me, a gay man, to criticize any of this. My motto: if you're really enjoying it; you've given your consent; and you're safe then have at it! 

3. When I did ask my husband what about the whole thing he enjoyed, he explained it as being a "macho/ego" thing of the other person can touch a little but I only have sex with my husband, and the other guy "can't have me". Call me crazy but I love the attention.

​You're not crazy at all. You're consenting adults. I'll leave it to my fellow members to determine what this means about your husband.
 
4. I am getting a test today and just taking things day by day.

Good for you. Please also ensure that you practice safe sex with your husband. If he asks why, tell him the truth but in a way that he understands it: "I think you're having sex outside of our marriage." This doesn't have to be a confrontation. You can text, email, or write to him. But make sure you do it in a safe and secure way. 

5. I am keeping my guard up and will pay more attention to certain things. Thanks again for all your sweet words of encouragement and support.

​Thank you for having the courage to share your story here. For every straight spouse posting here, there are dozens who are silently reading and identifying with your struggles. So please keep coming back.

​Be well my friends.
 

Last edited by Sean (Wed Jan 17 4:50 pm)

 

Wed Jan 17 7:09 pm  #894


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

How do I contact someone, like Duped or OOTC? Private message?

 

Wed Jan 17 7:11 pm  #895


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

Sean, I posted most of my story under this forum as a new topic and haven't gotten any responses. Should I post it somewhere else?

I also stated in the beginning of my post that I have a question for "straight married men".

Thank you.

 

Wed Jan 17 9:05 pm  #896


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

At the top of the screen you can find a way to send a private message.  Look up the poster (I am Out of His Closet).  I'd suggest a thread of your own, too.

 

Thu Jan 18 8:54 am  #897


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

LB to contact fellow members, just click their linked names (in dark blue) in the left column. You can then send a private message. With regards to your own thread, I'm sorry you haven't had any replies. I'd suggest posting a few updates to keep the post at the top of this topic's results and you'll eventually get replies. Duped and OOHC, if you could please follow this link and give a shout out to LP: http://straightspouse.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?pid=11767#p11767​. Much thanks friends. Be well.  

 

Thu Jan 18 6:45 pm  #898


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

Thank you Sean and everyone else so much! This feeling really sucks and I am so thankful I found this site.

 

Mon Jan 29 5:55 am  #899


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

Hi CJ. Thank you for writing my friend although I'm so very sorry that you've found yourself in this situation. In response to your post: 

1. I am going through finding out my live-in, twice divorced boyfriend is gay.  We haven’t had sex in years and a mutual friend said he would not physically go near his beautiful 2nd wife.

I think the lack of sex or sexual desire is the most tragic part of gay/straight relationships. One of the most obvious signs that your partner may be gay in denial (or "GID") is a complete lack of interest in straight (hetero) sex. It usually goes something like, "We are soul-mates but strangely he never really seemed interested in me physically." It's true that gay men are incredibly in tune with women. We notice your hair, fashion, and gay men tend to be more attuned to a woman's emotions. I reckon a lot of straight women mistake a gay best friend for a life partner which would explain an emotional connection and yet zero sexual attraction. 

2. Can I ask you this? Why 6 + years ago would he enter into another false relationship?  Could you imagine yourself doing that?  Like lets say you simply divorced your wife and didn't come out, how is it possible someone could enter into another long term relationship?? He is the CEO of a publicly traded company, is 52, has been divorced twice.  

Please note that I am not a mental health professional so gage my opinions accordingly. I'm now in my mid-40s, as are most of my of my gay friends. My few friends in their 50s or 60s are from a generation when being gay was often: career-ending; illegal (anti-sodomy laws); or a death sentence (AIDS without any cure). Coming out 30+ years ago often meant being rejected by friends & family alike. While society has slowly started to accept the LGBT community, those original wounds and fears about being gay remain. These same fears often prompt gay men like me to marry women. In essence, I was emotionally straight because I so wanted to be accepted and yet I was sexually gay. If your boyfriend/husband is anything like me, he married a girl he liked who wasn't too demanding sexually. When that didn't work out, he married another nice girl who wasn't too demanding...and so on. 

3. He is actually about to settle with me, but how can the last 6 years of my life be bought?  I missed getting married and having children.  I am 48.  So, he is just going to throw some money at me.  I gave up everything, my job and house in another country, at a loss, and everyone sees to think he is ok ‘cause he is going to give me some cash.  Oh and he has gone full bully nasty...asking me to get my own lawyer.


When women first start posting here, they are rightfully angry. After all, many of you have spent years or decades suffering rejection, neglect and physical/emotional abuse. (If you've read my previous posts, I believe there is a connection between living in the closet and toxic narcissism.) When a woman posts here, I believe there is a 90-95% chance that her husband/boyfriend is gay. Sadly, when a man is closeted and has lived in the closet most of his life, as I did, he truly believes that he's straight and convinces his wife of the same. It's not unusual for a straight wife to post the following: 

​- He sleeps with men because he was molested as a child. 
​- He goes to gay saunas but doesn't have sex with men
​- He's just curious about gay porn. 
​- He texts men looking for gay sex on Craigslist but never meets with them
​- We no longer have sex because he has a heart condition, he believes I'm too demanding, or the bedroom isn't clean enough, blah blah blah. 

​So what's my point? Take the money and run. You'll eventually be thankful it only lasted six years and that you're a relatively young 48. Many wives here waited until their 60s or 70s before turfing their own GID husbands (or "GIDH"). While you are angry now, and justifiably so, the anger will eventually burn off and you'll be thankful you didn't have children with this man. 

4. I'm the type of person who is so honest...i just don’t get it. Please, any feedback would give me some relief.

Most GIDHs choose kind, caring, and honest women like you as partners. Unfortunately, our partners are forced into our dark closets. I use the word "forced" because we bully you into believing our excuses about gay porn, cheating (with men), and dubious Craiglist messages. I always suggest that straight spouses focus on actions not words. If a man's porn history is exclusively gay, he only cheats with other men, and he shows zero sexual desire in women, he's probably gay. Following the inevitable "Are you gay!?" confrontation, yes he may make an effort during a short-term "honeymoon" period, but he simply can't tread water forever. After a few weeks or months, he's right back on the porn, Craigslist, or going on vacations with his long-term male "friend." So I suggest you share your whole story here, contact the straight spouse network, get a good therapist, get a bad*ss attorney, and run out of the relationship like your hair is on fire.

​I hope that helps my friend. Please feel free to post again if I haven't answered any of your questions.     

Last edited by Sean (Mon Jan 29 10:21 am)

 

Mon Jan 29 1:19 pm  #900


Re: A gay ex-husband answers your questions

Sean, thanks for your response 4., above -- because I think you're so honest about this: we all are beating up on ourselves because we were gullible enough to get into these relationships, but maybe we're just projecting on to other people the same mindset we ourselves have.  Just as CJ points out, she's an honest person, so she just doesn't get why someone else wouldn't be honest, too.  I'm the same way.  I would never cheat on my husband, so it took me forever to read signs that might have been obvious to someone else.  I agree that gay men (whether or not in denial) seek out empathetic and nonjudgmental women like, well, me and CJ.

 

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