This Forum was a lifesaver for me just as it is.  If not for the posts of Whatasham and others, I would never have felt validated.  I learned a lot about the patterns I was seeing in my own spouse, and I learned that my experience was far from unique, and my feelings were legitimate.  I felt supported from the posters here when what I was experiencing at home and hearing from my spouse was a lot of word salad designed to confuse me and protect my spouse's closet.  From my perspective, the Forum worked well.
  I've felt for a long time that you are an outlier.  You have a bi husband who has never acted on his impulse (that you know of).  Your situation is a whole different kettle of fish than what most of us have endured. You have your new reddit forum, and you advertise and tout it regularly here.  I can't understand why you aren't satisfied with what you have there.  
 

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (May 19, 2021 8:56 pm)

TangledOil wrote:

....... Reddit and Discord are picking up where SSN is falling short for these people. Since this is the spot most initially land, is there any possible way to better support them too? ....Tangled 

Good on Reddit and Discord
I asked for the MOM board and still think it serves a purpose. But for you to state SSN is "falling short" is actually saying the men and women who post there can't think, research, post and decide for themselves they need something more. You yourself have said many times you've felt like leaving the site, but you always come back so we must be doing something right.

 

 

TangledOil, it is a normal thing that people will seek help in SSN but find somewhere else better suits their needs.  Happens all the time in support groups and networks.  Its a journey. Everyone is welcome but not everyone will find a permanent home here.  You've done a great thing with your reddit group and MOM work here where you use your experience to try to support others attempting to pursue a similar path.  In the same way, others seek to offer their various experiences to try to support people who are in similar situations.  As you say, the situations are many and varied - hence the sort of support offered is also varied.

I have found a lot of validation and wisdom from posters and commenters whose experience I recognise as similar to mine.  I comment from my own experience where I think it might help someone seeking clarity.  I greatly appreciate and deeply value the frankness and honesty with which people share their vulnerabilities and experiences here.  I love that people feel free enough and safe enough here to vent their anger and frustrations if that is what they need to do.

The unvarnished and unpalatable truth of my situation, revealed through intereacting with people who had shared the experiences I was living through, was my lifeline and gave me strength but also practical advice to work on through and get free.  

I lived in a horrible half-world of abuse, manipulation, deception and lies.  When I see the same behaviours, patterns and concerns as I had in other people's posts, I try to address them directly and truthfully from my experience.  The truth can be jarring and challenging but I don't think sugarcoating it helps.  

If I feel I don't have anything to offer - as for instance on most of the the MOM threads - then I don't comment.  However, if there is something specific that I do recognise and may be able to offer support with, I may well venture a comment.  Discerning whether a MOM is right for you is part of the journey, and sometimes recognising denial or abuse patterns that you have been living with for so long that they seem normal can be an important stepping stone in working out what is acceptable to you in a relationship.  

There is such a lot of shock, confusion, pain, anger, fear, heartbreak and denial during the discovery phase that I think you just have to expect some people will feel confronted and even affronted by content here sometimes.  Everyone walks their own path and finding support that works for you necessarily entails trial and error.
 

.....

TangledOil wrote:

... Honestly, it would be ideal if more would become of the MOM section or it could probably be eliminated altogether. It’s a tiny blip in all of SSN ....how very arrogant of you. YOU may think it's a tiny blip but as I said it serves a purpose for those who find SSN and discover the MOM board is an area they can post in a time of confusion and angst......then I hear about how horrible it was for them here. It just seems unfortunate that SSN can’t cast a wider net.....for every person who finds it "horrible" there will be one who finds it helpful. I think you see your own experience in everyone on that board and it just can't be.

I didn’t know that you got the MOM section going. How long has it been around? It’s great that you got it going....I came here confused, full of angst. I wanted somewhere I could be myself and learn about the new me.....4 years ago I asked for it.....There are plenty of sites for the truly-wanting to focus on their MOMs...Tangled

Edited to say....SSN doesn't need to "cast a wider net" in my opinion
 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (May 20, 2021 12:19 am)

TO, if you haven't noticed, the inappropriate posts in the MOM section have been deleted.