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March 3, 2019 5:31 am  #1


The yearly painful reminder

Once again it’s the time of Mardi Gras in Sydney, and once again my Facebook is filled with the images of the gay X parading around Sydney with all his gay friends. We have far too many mutual friends and I keep seeing the painful reminder that this man flaunts his gayness for all to See on Facebook.
I can’t explain how I feel, my guts are ripped out every time I see this, it’s so painful and I have to go through this pain in public,With all my friends seeing what he’s doing.
I get sick of the questions and the pitying looks, I don’t think I could possibly hate anyone more than I hate him  for what he’s done to me and my children.

How do I stop feeling like utter crap, it’s been seven years, I need it to stop

 

March 3, 2019 7:54 am  #2


Re: The yearly painful reminder

I’m sorry you’re having a painful time.

Stop looking at those posts. Simply deactivate your FB profile and do things for YOU. Facebook isn’t how to live life, get off there and live your own real life. Don’t go looking for these painful things - dwelling and ruminating is proven to damage your mental health. Distract yourself, do it just do it. Stay out of those friends way for a week or two if you need to, just do what YOU need to do to feel better. Looking at Facebook is no way to feel better.

 

March 3, 2019 9:48 am  #3


Re: The yearly painful reminder

   Let me guess: your ex uses Mardi Gras as a second Pride Parade and isn't going to be heading to church on Ash Wednesday to repent and begin a season of penitence...
   I'm with Duped: after seven years, you know this is coming, and the best thing you can do is to stay off Facebook!
   Also, tell yourself, again and again: what HE does has no bearing on YOU.  He reveals himself to be a self-centered shallow exhibitionist who doesn't think about how his actions affect others, including his children.  Develop a short response to people's questions or comments along those lines, and let them know that's all you're going to say about it.
  Then do something physical to release your anger: walk, run, pull weeds, swim--whatever your activity of choice. 
 
   
 

 

March 3, 2019 10:32 am  #4


Re: The yearly painful reminder

Facebook also allows you to snooze someone's posts for 30 days. Comes in handy for situations like this.


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

March 3, 2019 12:05 pm  #5


Re: The yearly painful reminder

For me when memories pop up you can delete post from your wall and also I went through my facebook wall and I untagged myself in every picture we were together then deleted them from my wall so they never pop up on memories anymore I was sick of it too

 

March 3, 2019 12:25 pm  #6


Re: The yearly painful reminder

Hi Jules, I live in Australia too - I don't mind the mardi gras, my ex is still in the closet, apart from me saying I divorced him because he is a closet gay - so I look at them all dressed up on the street and think good now everyone can see what gay really is like.  How different it is.  How impossible it is to be married.

Thing I try to keep front and foremost is that it is so common to find you are in a MOM - some of those pitying looks are likely to be coming from people who don't even know they're in one.  It's all in front of them.  At least we know.

My ex is not out there rubbing my nose in how gay he is and I can appreciate how galling that must be, but I do not escape unscathed - he goes out of his way to trash my character to anyone he can.  No one believes he is gay, but from what I see he's gay, gay as a rainbow gay.  At least that parade is flaunting his colours.

 

Last edited by lily (March 3, 2019 12:55 pm)

 

March 3, 2019 3:54 pm  #7


Re: The yearly painful reminder

Thanks for the support everyone, I really appreciate it!

     Thread Starter
 

March 4, 2019 11:14 am  #8


Re: The yearly painful reminder

I think “snoozing” the people that post pics from the parade is a great option.   I have been struggling lately and Facebook can sometimes be a trigger for me.  I know the logical solution might seem to just give up Facebook, but I don’t want to do that.  Yes, there are things on there that upset me, but  it can also be a positive outlet for me. There’s a straight sister support group I follow on there and a fun weight-loss group I’m in… and I love to see all the fun animal videos that pop up in my feed.  Sometimes there isn’t an easy fix and it’s not just a simple as, “well stay off Facebook.” 😉💜

 

March 4, 2019 1:50 pm  #9


Re: The yearly painful reminder

I have to disagree here, the OP is hurting seven years later, seven whole years. Staying off Facebook is absolutely the answer here. We are all allowed time to heal but we have to take responsibility for that healing and doing something we might not want to for anfew weeks for the greater benefit is often needed. We have to move away from the things that hurt us. Snoozing them is a great option if it doesn’t lead to snooping but if it does then come off for a while. It’s actually a great feeling.

For the record I’m well past giving a toss what my ex is doing now, let alone on FB :-)

 

March 4, 2019 4:46 pm  #10


Re: The yearly painful reminder

Duped wrote:

I have to disagree here, the OP is hurting seven years later, seven whole years. Staying off Facebook is absolutely the answer here. We are all allowed time to heal but we have to take responsibility for that healing and doing something we might not want to for anfew weeks for the greater benefit is often needed. We have to move away from the things that hurt us. Snoozing them is a great option if it doesn’t lead to snooping but if it does then come off for a while. It’s actually a great feeling.

For the record I’m well past giving a toss what my ex is doing now, let alone on FB :-)

I wasn’t challenging your advice. I was just giving another perspective from someone who also has had issue with things I’ve seen posted on fb.

 

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