Married 30 years. I am so sorry that you were going through this. My husband lost a job after 15 years because he was frequenting gay adult stores. He is still in denial. We separated six months ago. I can tell you that this has been a great resource for me. I believe it will help you. There is a lot of information here and the fact that a lot of people are experiencing the same things and hearing the same  is just reinforcement that we’re not crazy. I remember the early weeks after finding this information out. It can be overwhelming take care of yourself and reach out to people that you can trust.
I hope that both you and your husband get into counseling and please know that you’re not alone need to vent feel free to reach out.

Wishing you all the best.
Lori

Thank you for responding. I know in my head it’s going to be a long process but my heart wants it fixed now. It is (pardon my French) pissing me off that he acts like all is ok. He is actually at a friend’s having drinks. (No not worried about him being with him) Me...I’m scared to death to run into a friend. Because if they know me well, it will be obvious something is wrong. And once the words...”Are you ok?” comes out, I know I’ll be in tears. The therapist he contacted is suppose to be back in the office tomorrow so hopefully he can make an appointment SOON. Hopefully between two different therapists we can get some guidance on how the hell get through this. I feel dehydrated from all the tears & exhaustion from my heart being stopped on. He actually said he was surprised how I was taking this. Thought I was more open minded. OMG....I wanted to punch him.

Yes, I hate that anyone else would have to go through this but knowing I'm not alone especially not crazy and have a RIGHT to these feeling is comforting. I have an appointment on Monday afternoon with my own therapist. 
Trying to find positives WHERE EVER I can find them. I've lost 4 lbs in the last 3 days. Oh joy!

Last edited by Married30yrs (February 28, 2019 2:33 pm)

Married 30 years:

The posts you are reading here certainly will not “fix” the issues, speed up the process, BUT it will make you realize you are not alone as well as realize this is much more prevalent than you could have ever imagined. I have been in denial for years! Denial is very powerful. It is easy to pretend all is normal, because you have to go on and live day to day life. I finally realized and perhaps you will soon that it really doesn’t matter if he is bi, gay, or straight up heterosexual - he is being deceptive whether acting on it yet, or not. You have probably read....heterosexual men don’t typically engage on gay chat sites. My husband gave same excuses. They all follow similar story lines. Perhaps he doesn’t want to admit, or really cannot and is in his own denial. Doesn’t matter as you now are drug into it and have to make sense of it. It is not fast, so just face that reality. A very close friend gave me some wonderful advice that has helped make me happy again (my new login 😊) and that is.....YOU NOW are in control. Not of him, but of you. Wake up every day and remind yourself of that....how you choose to act/react ~ you control that. The process and choices are yours....good luck!