I'll let the ladies comment but first and foremost I'd say don't be gay :/

Otherwise... just be aware that she might - through no fault of her own - have some trust issues for a while. Many of us straight spouses do. I don't mean that she might think you are gay like her ex. I mean that she might be slow to trust you with her heart.

That being said you are NOT her ex so stand up for yourself if those issues become unreasonable.   

Hopefully, with love and patience and understanding on BOTH your parts you will have the kind of relationship that she - and you - always hoped for.

ps Thanks for loving her and caring enough to research what she has been through with her Ex. It says a lot about you as a person so I'm really happy for you both and hope it works out for you.

Thanks guys, to reassure you, I am most definitely not gay.  I can not imagine the pain that she, you and all the others have been through. I've had a marriage break apart, it was painful but nothing near like what I've read here.
I will be understanding on the trust issue. From what I gather it's not just falling out of love, it's a complete betrayal of everything you thought you knew.  It will take time. I think she is worth the wait.
I've appreciated the insight and hope to hear from some of the women. I think their views would be very helpful also.

I know that for me, the biggest thing I was looking for after my gay marriage broke up was authenticity.  I wanted a man to say what he meant, mean what he says, and do what he said he'd do.  Don't make promises you can't keep. Once I knew what it looked like to be pursued and cherished and protected, I could never settle for less ever again.  That meant that he took the lead on many things - he didn't just sit around waiting on me - he let me know every day how much he wanted to be with me by both his words and his actions.  He told me how beautiful I am to him.  He said hello every morning first.  He asked me out week in advance - implying that I'm a rare commodity that he's willing to do what it takes to get. He opened doors and dropped me off and then parked. All of this made me feel something that my previous marriage hadn't; cherished.

You only have to be you, and make her feel good about who she is. You won't impress with wealth or possessions or expensive meals. You will impress by making her feel wonderful about herself. By trying to make her life better and easier and enjoyable.

Let her talk about her feelings when she needs to.  Try to just let her vent - this is how women work through their feelings - by talking.  You can't fix any of the past.  Just tell her that you're sorry she's gone through that. Tell her she didn't deserve that. Kiss her forehead like you would a wounded child during these times.

Know that there will always be some scars, athough in the best of circumstances, you will help heal a lot of them. Being loved, cherished, protected and desired is the balm for not having had those things before. But the slighest rejection may just take her right back to those old feelings.  If you need to not have sex for a reason, give her the reason. "I am so tired tonight, but I promise that tomorrow we'll I'll be better rested". And then start of the next day by telling her that you can't wait for tonight.

Go slowly, but make sure there is no mistake about her knowing how you feel about her. She came from a wasteland - she will always now want the "You Are Here" map in front of her, even if she doesn't know yet where she wants to go.

Best to you -

Kel

Thank you all for responding, I read all of the posts and will take the suggestions to heart.  This has helped me to understand where she may be coming from and why some things are a bit different from my previous relationship.

Thanks again all.