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Last edited by Duped (August 23, 2019 1:38 pm)

Lily

Thanks for your input.  I'm already on a visit with my Dr.  I realize there is very little of what he says that can be believed at this point.  I've always been a very open & honest person,  but after all these years with a secretive liar, I am learning to try to watch out for myself.  It is a shame it took this long to get here!

Thanks

omg yes.  that is me too - very honest and open - I had no conception that anyone on this earth could lie about love!

I am 63 now and more than 5 years out and still not certain I have encompassed the learning from experience bit but I have learnt a lot and become more confident in myself.  I can hardly bear to count the years he had my trust, ! was 19 when we met.  

He was 23 and already slept with men, he knew what he was doing.  Chatting me up was an entirely selfish act with no attraction or affection for me involved at all.  

I used to think he was so kindhearted but he isn't at all, he is coated in teddybear foam!

 



 

Last edited by lily (November 30, 2018 11:47 pm)

My closeted autogynephilic ex used to do the same.  The first time I saw a therapist on my own, I took the top off the anxiety scale.  When I told my him this (we were still married), he asked "what can I do?" as if my anxiety weren't caused by his autogynephilic antics.  By then I had his number, however, so I actually laughed at this answer.   I said, sarcastically, how about candy, flowers, a good bottle of wine, and a beach house?   The next day, at work, I found the first three of those on my desk!  He hadn't even realized I was being sarcastic; that's when I knew he was frantic that I might reveal his secret.  

Control,
  Rug-sweeping and compartmentalization; that's how they can act as if "this sh**" isn't happening.  It's how they've survived all these years living a secret life alongside the one they're living with us.  They convince themselves that the two are unrelated to the other, which is how they also convince themselves they aren't gay or cheating or haven't "done any acts outside the marriage."   (I, for one, find it hard to believe that in order to masturbate your husband needs to go to campgrounds, rest stops, and truck stops--all of them notorious as gay cruising grounds!  Trickle-truth, anyone?  Admitting to the tip of the iceberg...)

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (December 5, 2018 7:02 am)