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September 19, 2018 7:22 pm  #11

Re: At a crossroads ...

Lynne, My doctor's comment last time I saw her was, first "Have you divorced him yet?" and then she asked me how old he was.  When I told her, she seemed unsurprised, and said, "I don't know what gets in to them at that age."  So not everybody has jumped on the trans acceptance train.
   Me in the Corner (MItC),  your story is so much like mine in its outlines, including the time line.  By two years into it I had come to many of the realizations you have (the selfishness, his entitlement about expecting you to support him while offering you no assurances about the future, your feeling that you are a prop in a play he's writing, directing and starring in, etc).  And like you, our son was out of the house, and retirement approaching soon, and I was looking forward to a  new stage of life with fewer responsibilities and a bit of ease if only for a while...and then whammo blammo! 

By the way, it took me two tries at a lawyer to find one I felt really had my back and would fight for me if I needed her to.  Kind of like looking for a doctor or a therapist.  It has to be a good fit.  


September 19, 2018 9:06 pm  #12

Re: At a crossroads ...

" the mental illness perspective. Over the years I’ve often felt that my H might be somewhat manic/depressive, but not wanting to psycho-analyze him, since that felt disrespectful to him, somehow. These days, the ‘manic’ phases are when he’s actively pursuing feminization. That scares me to death, because if I truly am dealing with an addiction/mental condition here, I have zero experience. There’s a part of me- I’m almost ashamed to say- that wants to play along, see how far this goes without me trying to rein it in. "

You can not help anyone who does not want to be helped. What you can do is take care of yourself. If what he is doing in the bedroom makes you uncomfortable, please do not play along. Let him know YOUR truth. Whether you try to rein him in our not, its a train that you can not stop. Admittedly, my husband is not trans or a cross dresser. But after 27 years of marriage ... the hindsight of what everything in my life had become ... that slow creaping up and over taking who I thought he was and who I thought I was ... it has totally blown me away. Life as I knew it is over.

It is time for you to focus on your needs. And that is not just sexually, but emotionally and financially. If you can find a therapist that you can work with, that would be awesome. Until then, we are all here. And while not all our stories reflex yours specifically, we certainly all run parallel to it. 

Hugs and bright light being sent to you.


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