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September 1, 2018 9:31 am  #1


New member, looking for support.

My husband and I have been together for 8 years and we have 2 children together plus his oldest child from another woman.
Since we've been together we've expressed our sexuality to one another. I've known almost from the beginning of our relationship that he had sexual desires for transgender wemon. But recently he's been requestioning his sexuality.
I'm desperately wanting to stay with him, but I want him to be happy. I've always been accepting of his sexuality, I myself am attracted to both men and wemon. But we are failing in this relationship because of his struggle and my not knowing how to talk to him about it with him. I'm scared he will eventually want to act out his feelings with a trans woman and he will want to leave our relationship behind. I want to help us be one, but I want him to be happy and accepting of himself. I need help, please.

Last edited by IWantHimToBeHappy119 (September 1, 2018 9:32 am)

 

September 5, 2018 4:49 am  #2


Re: New member, looking for support.

IWantHimToBeHappy119 wrote:

My husband and I have been together for 8 years and we have 2 children together plus his oldest child from another woman.
Since we've been together we've expressed our sexuality to one another. I've known almost from the beginning of our relationship that he had sexual desires for transgender wemon. But recently he's been requestioning his sexuality.
I'm desperately wanting to stay with him, but I want him to be happy. I've always been accepting of his sexuality, I myself am attracted to both men and wemon. But we are failing in this relationship because of his struggle and my not knowing how to talk to him about it with him. I'm scared he will eventually want to act out his feelings with a trans woman and he will want to leave our relationship behind. I want to help us be one, but I want him to be happy and accepting of himself. I need help, please.

Hi.  No one can place a definition on your marriage.  All we can say is that from our experience...this is how it's played out and this is why we see it this way.  Only you can determine what you are comfortable with.

I think the biggest struggle in this stems from trying to place a "hold" on what we know our relationship was instead of facing the reality of what it is.  

Leaving a relationship happens even when physically being present.  If he is consumed with a lingering question, that he becomes this person who is only half in the relationship with you, he has all ready left.  Are you willing to live with him there but not really connecting to you?

Sexuality is complicated....while you are bisexual there is no need in that to cheat or explore with other people, right?  Marriage (I assume) means fidelity and commitment...the statement that "you are my person and I am yours exclusively."  I often wonder why we extend this want for our significant others to explore their sexuality with other people while we continue to honor them with faithfulness?  Why on earth does this always boil down to them? 

I mean really.... what is the base of this problem?  Sex is only one aspect of a loving relationship....intimacy, that's where it's at.  Anyone can have sex and it can be as important as a burp or an experience that connects two people on a much deeper level.  

In the end, the question you should be asking yourself is what do I want?  What do I need to feel happy and secure in this marriage and is he capable of providing that?  Will I ever be okay with living in chaos from his question?  

Anyway, that's just how I see it....  Good luck.  
 ~Detour
 

 

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