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September 18, 2018 2:32 pm  #51

Re: Hi, I'm new on here and need advice Please

4everdamaged wrote:

They are so good at deflecting, how many others like me, got deflected from the main problem. By their, drug, alcohol, gambling etc etc etc addictions.  As others have stated it all becomes domestic abuse, sick.  Just sickening.

Oh yes! I spent so long arguing and fighting about the drugs, oh my how we fought, how he twisted, lied and gaslit me over them. And the real issue all along was that he was a gay tranny. Hilarious.


September 18, 2018 3:14 pm  #52

Re: Hi, I'm new on here and need advice Please

Duped wrote:

Sergay, do you need support? Please post why but please remove your personal phone number from your post, it is not wise to include that on a public forum. Do share more if you need help.

That was a spam account.  I deleted it

-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 


September 18, 2018 3:18 pm  #53

Re: Hi, I'm new on here and need advice Please

Thanks Phoenix


September 18, 2018 3:47 pm  #54

Re: Hi, I'm new on here and need advice Please

phoenix wrote:

That was a spam account.  I deleted it

Doh!...I spotted this post ( how did you know it was bogus) and I emailed Sam instead of Phoenix

*no longer between a rock and a hard place*

September 21, 2018 11:05 am  #55

Re: Hi, I'm new on here and need advice Please

Well it’s been a few days since I posted on this running blog, lol.  Still sick and have been in bed with way too much time on my hands.  I just posted on another thread and when I was done realized that I am investing too much time on here.  But it has been therapeutic for me, and from posts and private messages I believe it has been helpful to others (not to mention the lurkers).

I have had a lot of conversations with new hubby this week and my only “family” (my deceased Mother’s best friend).  About it being time to take my passion regarding this subject and do something more.   My “adopted Mother” was just telling my story to a group of friends and they were in disbelief.  She has been encouraging me all along to write a book.  Although it would make a great movie.  Things like how the psycho killed my dog (that I just mentioned in another thread).  So many insane things beyond the final outcome.  I just don’t want the core of it to be lost in sensationalism.  I also don’t want to get involved in political arguments. 

The story is, what the story is.  The core of my story is about my gaslighting and abuse for years.  At the hands of my husband, who absolutely hated himself and his desires.  The slow descent into insanity on both our parts.  But as she recounted what she told in the story to her friends, even she is uncomfortable about the truth.

She told her friends that he tried to kill me in order to keep the house. I didn’t say anything to her, she’s elderly.  But even I don’t know that was the reason, as I have said on my story page.  Personally, I believe he tried to kill me in a fit of narcissistic rage.  So much anger and hatred that I knew the truth.  That I had divorced him and had refused to be his cover anymore.  I will never know what was in his mind.  He came in through a window, when he had keys to the house.  So he had premeditation at least at that point.

I think I’m also fearful of repercussions from the state police because they did not prosecute him (in a state where women are somewhat second class ) if I tell my story publicly.   But as talked about much
higher in this thread, if he had killed me, would I have been part of an unknown statistic?  Does my story need to be told?  Can I just take the earlier part of my story and use it to help others?  Because that part, completely losing myself in the name of marriage and my desire to not start over is basically the same.

Do I use these few years of total isolation and boredom until new hubby retires to use my experience for the good of others?   Or do I just start quilting and baking lol!

     Thread Starter

September 21, 2018 3:39 pm  #56

Re: Hi, I'm new on here and need advice Please

Quilting sounds like fun, but your story is important. Maybe write,  and quilt or bake when writer's block hits?


September 21, 2018 3:55 pm  #57

Re: Hi, I'm new on here and need advice Please

 Your story would make a hell of a story quilt!


September 22, 2018 10:43 am  #58

Re: Hi, I'm new on here and need advice Please

I believe just writing your truth down will be very therapeutic for you (as it is for any of us). You don't have to publish it if you feel it will cause more turmoil in your life. But, the process of putting things in order, allowing yourself to actually remember what you went through, and making it real by putting it down into words ... it will help you step back and truly just leave it on the paper. It may help you stop the memories from constantly floating in and out of your life. You can step away if that is what you need to do or decide to share it.

It's your story to own. Everything else is secondary.


September 22, 2018 2:10 pm  #59

Re: Hi, I'm new on here and need advice Please

It turns out that it's not always our story to own.
My university has a speech code in place that has been used to muzzle me, because anyone in the workplace knowing my story then knows my stbx is a closeted trans identifying male, and this is held to be a violation of his rights. 
 It's not clear to me yet, but I believe that this applies also to my telling friends of mine who also work at the university but to whom I might disclose my story in my own domicile, off campus.  
 That is, if I tell ANYONE who works at the university, in ANY place on campus or off, I'll be charged and forced to undergo judicial proceedings.  


September 22, 2018 3:14 pm  #60

Re: Hi, I'm new on here and need advice Please

How can that be OOHC?? Judicial? For violating an institutional code of conduct? That would never happen here, disciplinary maybe but not legal proceedings.

Aside from that, you have a right to freedom of speech. I would tell them to go stuff themselves.

Last edited by Duped (September 22, 2018 3:28 pm)


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