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August 2, 2018 2:52 pm  #1


Question for men

Please can anyone explain to me what a man who says that he is bisexual imeans when he tells his wife of 20 years that their relationship and love doesn’t complete him. That he is missing something from his gay side that he needs in order to fill complete.

And for any bisexual husband who chose to remain faithful to their wife. How did you overcome or st least deal with that issue.

Thank you!

 

August 2, 2018 5:22 pm  #2


Re: Question for men

My personal experience is that the “bi” is giving you a ton of crap so he can manipulate you into validating his choice to cheat.

 

August 3, 2018 12:22 pm  #3


Re: Question for men

Well, my supposedly 'bi' husband goes to a gay bathhouse for strange hook-ups. This tells me he is more than bi 
 


“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
 
 

August 3, 2018 12:43 pm  #4


Re: Question for men

Since I'm not BI i can't really give you the answer you are looking for.  I don't know what it's like to be bisexual. 

I can tell you as a straight man and someone who has read hundreds of these stories I believe "BI" is used incorrectly in most cases.  I think most gay men (and lesbian women - like my ex) use the term BI as a transitory stage on the road to coming out.  Being Bi means that you are attracted to and can be satisfied by either party.  This means that you are still fulfilled by your wife.  By saying this it removes the major part of the guilt that they carry about lying to their partner.  Our society seems to think that being Bi or Bi-curious is acceptable.  There aren't usually negative thoughts around this. 

But I think it's extremely rare to actually be BI.  

If he says he needs someone else of his same gender to satisfy him, then I don't think he is actually Bi.  I think he's a liar trying to manipulate you. 

Just to flip the narrative a little bit..  What if you were a brunette woman and he said he needed a blond woman to satisfy him and wanted your permission to go out and find a blond to have sex with.   Or maybe a woman of a different height or body type or ethnic background or age.  Would you be ok with that?   Hell no!. right?   He already has a woman that he's satisfied with and one that he's promised himself for life.  Being BI should mean he is fulfilled by both..  like a blond woman or a brunette woman..  so it's not ok for him to go find another person when he already has what should satisfy him.    But the truth is...  if he's looking for someone else, that means he isn't satisfied with what he has. 

He's gay.. he isn't attracted to women.  He pretended to be.  He tried to convince himself he could be.  He wants the world to think he is.  He still might have sex with you just because it's sex.  But it's not what he truly desires.  


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

August 3, 2018 1:26 pm  #5


Re: Question for men

Ditto, Phoenix.

 

August 3, 2018 3:50 pm  #6


Re: Question for men

Phoenix... I agree. They call themselves Bi until they get used to being out. When they are comfortable with saying Bi they can then admit they are as Gay as the Rainbow!

 

August 3, 2018 6:09 pm  #7


Re: Question for men

I have to disagree with Phoenix and the others saying that bi is just a transition phase to gay. It certainly can be for some people but I think there are people who are genuinely bisexual and stay that way.

My ex-wife is bi. When she divorced me she claimed to be gay. After 16 years of straight sex with orgasms (usually multiple orgasms *blush*) she’s suddenly ‘lesbian’. I’m like HUH?!?  Our counselor is like HUH?!?

Now that she hasn’t been able to make a lesbian relationship work and is on her own guess what she claims to be now?? Asexual. LOL. My guess is if she got back together with a man she’d call herself ‘straight’ again.

Some people (mostly women) change their sexuality like they change their clothes. “What sexuality do I feel like being today?”  The fact is that my ex is, was and always will be bisexual.

So... after that brief defence of bisexuality I’ll answer your question. Some bisexuals get it into their head that simply by virtue of the fact that they are bi they have a ‘right’ to express / experience / exercise both their ‘straight’ and ‘gay’ sides. These bisexual cry-baby types basically want to have their cake and eat it too. They don’t want to have to choose. They want it ALL.

There are PLENTY of bisexual people who DONT have that cry-baby attitude. They choose a partner (whether male or female) and they commit to that partner. Straight people can be monogamous (or not), gay people can be monogamous (or not) and bisexual people can be monogamous (or not).

If your spouse is bisexual he COULD choose monogamy. He just doesn’t want to.


You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up. 
 

August 3, 2018 6:23 pm  #8


Re: Question for men

I agree with Steve. The question here isn’t if they’re truly bi - it’s whether they’re a liar.

I have a best friend who is a bi female, she is honest with everyone she dates. She likes her women to be buxom and her men to be manly. She is totally trustworthy and the best friend in real life that I’ve had through all of this. Her only advice to me was to get out and stay out.

Last edited by Duped (August 3, 2018 6:24 pm)

 

August 3, 2018 8:16 pm  #9


Re: Question for men

I agree with Steve and Duped.  I didn't mean to say that Bi is always a lie.  I absolutely believe that there are people who are genuinely Bi.

I should have been more clear in saying that I think it's much less often than people say.  I think most gay people who are married to a str8 will use the term as a less guilty transition.


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

August 3, 2018 8:18 pm  #10


Re: Question for men

If anyone here remembers Cameron (gay man who had been married and who used to post off and on); he said that his experiences and research had him believing that true bi is extremely rare and that the overwhelming majority of men who claim to be bi are actually gay.  My former spouse has never admitted that he is gay, but at one time he did tell me that he thought everybody was a little bi.  I think he was trying to give himself a little room in case he ever needed to explain his behavior.  He was also one who as Steve noted, wanted to have his cake and eat it to.  That was his overall nature and is the best descriptor I can think of for his general character.


"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" - Sir Walter Scott
 

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