I have been reading a lot on this forum as a guest for a while until I registered recently. I have also been discouraged with many stories and at the same time got some encouragement from a-few. However, I have summoned courage to post my story. I am a straight man in a marriage of over 16 years with a woman I love so much and we have 2 children. Little did I know that she was a lesbian all these years. We met in the university while I was studying for my degree program and our friendship ended up in marriage although she’s 9 months older than I, but I am more mature than her in every way. I always feel I am older. Going back the memory lane: I remember that after our marriage I was looking forward to having great sex with her but the drive to go to bed was always coming from me never from her. I kept on my regular lifestyle. My job makes me travel a lot and I put my energy and passion into my job and that kept me busy. I am a workaholic! As a decent man I kept myself in all my travels and always looking forward to return home to meet my family. Each time I returned back home, I try my best to give a helping hand to her and be around the kids to cover up the lost time together. I also make-up to them by travelling with the family to couple of places for vacation. Generally, I believe, I have been a good husband and father.
She’s into the business of different types of jewelries of bulk sales and when I see a couple of ladies in the house at weekdays or weekends, all my mind was that they were her jewelry distributors.  I did not know that she was always attracted to her same gender. Events unfolded and she explained to me that she was in the marriage right at the beginning to please her parent and have children and that she cannot continue to live another person’s life. She said so many things.. I was in shock for many days after this conversation. I was pissed, was very angry and upset. I was particularly disappointed that I have been living with me in deceit for many years. When I put on my cap of memories again: I recall many instances of her closeness to 2 particular ladies but I couldn’t relate it to anything of this nature. I was bitter for a long time especially looking back into the family bond we built for over 15 years and her dishonesty to me all these while. I was depressed and I think my frequent work travels did not help matters.
We have been alienated for over 18 months and it has impacted my health. I am taking care of myself with my medications though but the separation is impacting the children much more. My children well-being are my most priority and concern. I see a divorce looming from any party. I personally wana break the separation after many considerations, especially the children and my religious belief to remain in the Marriage. I have read a couple of stories and comments on this forum and other platforms too. One aspect that will be impacted for me is our intimacy. Sex. I need grace on a sexless marriage. I’m almost 45 and whether my libido will continue to nose dive is what I cannot tell as such and I don’t know how things will play out.
I am getting over the madness and healing up gradually. What I’m coming to term with is, to settle-in to accept who she is, try to live with it and be positive about the future. It is very tough when there is no hope of changing your partner. I’m pushing myself to remain in the Mixed-Orientation Marriage with the option of Open relationship but I’m not sure if I have other viable options to throw at her.
Any suggestion from anyone that I can also explore? I hope she deals with me with an honest and open heart. What I might struggle with and do not know how it will play out, is to see her bring her partner into the house. My utmost fear is how real is the success of a straight man remaining in marriage with a lesbian. I’m afraid that my fears will catch-up with me. Dunno how this will end up.