OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


BE A DONOR >>>


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?



June 22, 2018 1:32 pm  #1


Thank you

...for the public and privately messaged condolences re my mother's passing.
With her failing health, the friction between my sister and I and the other crumbling part of my life ever present it been a tough couple of years.
I am trying to keep the emotion of all 3 issues in separate boxes, because each one should  have no bearing on the others

Thank you again


KIA KAHA                       
 

June 24, 2018 10:49 pm  #2


Re: Thank you

I hope your weekend went a little better Ellexoh.  You've been through an awful time.  I wish you the best. 


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

June 25, 2018 2:07 pm  #3


Re: Thank you

phoenix wrote:

I hope your weekend went a little better Ellexoh....

 

Thanks Phoenix....death is part of life, and even though it shouldn't be....so is betrayal. 
It's not what's been given to me to deal with that will show people the kind of person I am 
but how I process it, and how I let it affect my life


KIA KAHA                       
     Thread Starter
 

June 25, 2018 4:02 pm  #4


Re: Thank you

Wondering....thank you, we had a wonderful memorial, and she leaves me
so many good memories
 


KIA KAHA                       
     Thread Starter
 

June 25, 2018 6:41 pm  #5


Re: Thank you

I've not been on for several days. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. ((HUGS))


“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
 
 

June 25, 2018 8:35 pm  #6


Re: Thank you

Roo wrote:

((HUGS))

Thanks Roo. She's been gone a month...a month! surely it hasn't been that long!....but 
I had commented in a thread, mentioning her passing in relation to how I was getting on 
and so not to divert the other conversation from it's topic....I thought a separate thread was a good idea
 


KIA KAHA                       
     Thread Starter
 

June 26, 2018 10:11 am  #7


Re: Thank you

I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's passing, Elloxoh. 

I think that compartmentalizing is a great idea. Your brain may be able to do that, but your emotions and body might not be able to, though.  It's like when you have one of those days where so much goes wrong - even if it's all random and no one's fault and they're not connected, they add up.  You wake up to dog puke on the carpet. The pants you were going to wear have a rip in the hem. The traffic is horrible. Your boss is in a bad mood. Your computer is acting crazy. You realize you put on two different shoes. Your car starts acting like the starter is having issues. You get home and realize you forgot to take out the meat the thaw. The dog has puked all over the house again. Your tooth starts mysteriously aching. And of course, you get a headache.  None of this has anything whatsoever to do with one another.  But it doesn't matter - it adds up. You FEEL it adding up, and there's nothing you can do to stop that train from rolling.

This can be worse, in some ways. Because you NEED support in your times of grief.  If your partner isn't being supportive (or even worse, causing you grief in addition to not being supportive), and you feel that he's betraying you, that's some HUGE stuff to deal with all at once.  Especially if you have issues with your sister at the same time. It's a LOT, hon.  Please take care of yourself - make sure you're getting plenty of rest and eating enough. And if you're not already seeing a counselor, now's the time to start so you can let some of that steam off to someone who you don't have to worry will be hurt or offended at your words.

My best to you -

Kel


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

June 26, 2018 3:23 pm  #8


Re: Thank you

Kel wrote:

I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's passing, Elloxoh. 

I think that compartmentalizing is a great idea. Your brain may be able to do that, but your emotions and body might not be able to, though. All straightspouses are given way too much to handle. We end up with far too many problems to solve at a time when we thought  we should have none. It is indeed a challenge. It's like when you have one of those days where so much goes wrong - even if it's all random and no one's fault and they're not connected, they add up.  You wake up to dog puke on the carpet. The pants you were going to wear have a rip in the hem. The traffic is horrible. Your boss is in a bad mood. Your computer is acting crazy. You realize you put on two different shoes. Your car starts acting like the starter is having issues. You get home and realize you forgot to take out the meat the thaw. The dog has puked all over the house again. Your tooth starts mysteriously aching. And of course, you get a headache.  None of this has anything whatsoever to do with one another.  But it doesn't matter - it adds up. You FEEL it adding up, and there's nothing you can do to stop that train from rolling. I've had days like that...lol Those days are lessons...to not let them get the better of me

This can be worse, in some ways. Because you NEED support in your times of grief.  If your partner isn't being supportive (or even worse, causing you grief in addition to not being supportive), and you feel that he's betraying you, that's some HUGE stuff to deal with all at once. He is supporting me, never stopped...and at this time I don't feel he's betraying me. Our r'ship has taken an almighty hit and while he seems prepared to accept the status quo; a scaled-down form of what we used to be......I'm forever wanting to discuss it. It's a very strange place to be in, but one I'm in for now. Especially if you have issues with your sister at the same time. Ah...my sister, my r'ship with her *at the moment*  is closely-tied to the death of our mother, the will and my sister's sense of entitlement. Hopefully we will iron out the wrinkles between us and be on a smooth equilibrium again. It's a LOT, hon.  Please take care of yourself - make sure you're getting plenty of rest and eating enough. And if you're not already seeing a counselor, now's the time to start so you can let some of that steam off to someone who you don't have to worry will be hurt or offended at your words. It's winter here, I have arthritis but always eat well/will never starve. And retirement means I have no pressure.....but no extra dollars for a counselor. So for the moment....it's just you guys and gals.

My best to you - Thanks Kel

Kel

 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (June 30, 2018 8:33 pm)


KIA KAHA                       
     Thread Starter
 

Board footera

 

Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum