I must admit my first thought about that workshop for 'intimate betrayal' is they want their piece of the action now - from the frying pan to the fire, I fear.  Could be wrong of course..  expensive is it?

I'm always in favor of self-help books and training, workshops, retreats, coaching, etc..   Getting help from outside experts and professionals is so excellent. 

However, before spending the money I would make sure it was tailored appropriately to your needs.   I do think that the topic of intimate betrayal is applicable to our situation, but TGT does add a bit of a different twist that many professionals aren't equipped to handle. 

If you want a couple of recommendations for coaching and workshops led by straight spouses whom I know personally.   I can give you two of them:

1.)  Live Boldly Coaching    https://www.liveboldlycoaching.com/
Sara is a friend of mine.  A former straight spouse.  An overcomer!   She offers life-coaching, puts on adventure retreats, etc..  She is amazing!
2.)  The Summit - Straightforwardproject       https://www.thestraightforwardproject.org/the-summit-2018
Kimberly Brooks Mazella is also a straight spouse and a professional therapist, researcher and author.  She is putting on a women only straight spouse retreat in Washington DC in early August.  I know she's got some amazing speakers and events planned and I'm sure it would be a life-changing event for everyone who attends. 

 

I'd be very cautious about expensive weekend or five-day retreats. These are often led by people who have titles in fields that are not professionally regulated and there's money to be made by branding yourself as an expert and developing a following. Who they are designed for is purposefully broad.

Coming out of this experience we are vulnerable emotionally and want to feel better immediately but a bad experience can make us feel worse. This is not to dismiss Phoenix's suggestion but to suggest that if you do not already have a counselor you are comfortable with and are seeing regularly you do that first. That way if anything is triggered when you do go to a retreat you have someone back home who can help you through it. 

I took things that my husband had left behind that were family pieces and took them to his family's home for him to sort through and give to his relative if they wanted any of them. I boxed up his general items so they were out of sight and easy to give him or give away.

 

yeah I have to say I thought Abby's advice was excellent - find yourself a good counsellor first.

Remember the EST group - I saw a man interviewed that got caught up in that group therapy.  It involved hypnotic kinetic light shows and long hours and you had to ask permission to leave the room even to go to the toilet.

3 days after his first session this middle aged man had dismantled his entire life - home family career.  He was just about penniless at time of interview.  Who knows what was causing his midlife crisis - maybe his entire life did need dismantling but if so then on your terms and with individual support come together first not a 'group'.  what member of the group is there when you need to pay the electricity bill.

The trouble with these self-help workshops is that they give you a high but it doesn't last and so you go to another one and then another one and this one is starting at expensive.  And the self help courses you 'must' embark on can often get more and more expensive - the modern version of self help is a big booming industry.  Thank you Tony Robbins - he showed us how lucrative it can be, it's been pyramid selling ever since.

However having said all that you are getting your ex to pay for it and that has a certain gratification in itself so go have fun!  (not serious, Abby and Phoenix are right about protecting your heart - just saying if you want to do it then with due caution why not - he's paying)

phoenix wrote:

Bookmarked for reading later. Thanks Phoenix