Jacki,
 It is in fact selfish on his part.  That's because that's who he is: someone out to serve himself first, no matter the cost to others.  No doubt he's got a fully rationalized and self serving explanation for it, too, and one that makes him seem noble, something along the lines of "I wanted to spare you, Jacki, the pain of our living in close proximity."  
  My suggestion to you is that you rationally and calmly point out to your daughter that her father made this decision, and that it isn't her place to feel bad.  He had a choice where he was going to move, and he chose not to consider what the effect would be on his ability to maintain a relationship with his daughter.  Also, it seems crucial to me that she should not be encouraged to believe that it is HER responsibility alone to maintain and nurture that relationship.  He's trying to use sparkles to entice her to visit him (a pool table and pool), but what arrangement is he making to make sure he is there for her--to help her out with transportation to and from work or school events, attendance at sports or other extra curricular events, etc.?  How about choosing a college?  College visits?  
  You have to remember that although your child is right now the instrument of his hurt, she's not the one responsible for dealing it to you.  She's trying to deal with the break up of her family as much as she can, and just as we go through the deals with ourselves about whether he's gay/bi, etc, as we come to terms with what we're being dealt or what we've discovered, she's cutting deals with herself, too, hoping that she can salvage something out of what is a rearrangement of her world. This is just one more of the hurts HE's inflicted on you--and on your family (the necessity for your daughter to have to try to make lemonade out of the lemon he's squeezed all over you). 

thank you Outofhiscloset~that sounds like something I can kinda look forward to, better day after the bad ones

My ex did this, too.  Lives 40 minutes away. The boyfriend before this (he always moves in with them) was over an hour away and he wanted me to drive them to him every other Friday. 2+ hours every time. Ugh.

He's still 40 min. away and for a while was putting up a stink about me doing half the transportation. This is when it's down to them visiting him about 5 times a year, and me doing everything else to raise them. Go f*ck yourself, buddy. He threatened to take me to court over it. I told him to GO.RIGHT.AHEAD. I have legal insurance - it won't cost me a thing. And to make it worth my while, I'll be asking the judge for his (my ex's) tax return, to help pay off his arrearage. Suddenly the transportation didn't seem so important.

Kel

Kathyd


Sounds like you need a self care day...even if its browsing a bookstore, the mall or going to the library..   Do not think about what he is doing.

When this first happened and I got out of the hospital, I told him he'd best not be home when I got there.  He stayed at his brother's empty house temporarily and then got his own place.  Believe me, I was begging for him to come after a few weeks   I'm lucky that he had the foresight to get his own apartment.  Or maybe it was my sister who intervened and told him to stay away until I came to my senses.  I just want this emptiness gone tomorrow!  I know, I do expect too much too soon and I beat myself up daily for not making more of an effort to get a dam life.