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June 6, 2018 11:50 am  #1


I was so close...

My sister must have a sixth sense even through texting. She knows something is wrong. We chatted the other night and she at least knows that I am depressed. I came SO close to telling her, but it's not something I am ready to do and certainly not through texting. I just told her I feel like I'm in a situation that I don't know how to get out of! She said when/if I am ready she will be there for me. Meanwhile, since nothing is going HIS way lately, he is in his usual foul mood. Although since disclosure, he has been pretty kind to me. So today is another bad day. 
 


“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
 
 

June 6, 2018 12:35 pm  #2


Re: I was so close...

Roo, tell your sister.
Tell someone. You need a pair of other eyes to see things more clearly.
You need a support. She is your sister. She will only have your best interest in mind.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.

 

June 6, 2018 1:01 pm  #3


Re: I was so close...

I agree, you need to speak about your part in this

 

June 6, 2018 1:13 pm  #4


Re: I was so close...

I think I can't talk about it to her because I'm protecting HIM! I'm also ashamed and humiliated. 
Everyday I think I just don't care what happens anymore. 


“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
 
     Thread Starter
 

June 6, 2018 2:10 pm  #5


Re: I was so close...

Roo,

What are you protecting him FROM, exactly?  The justified anger your family and friends will feel over how he lied to and deceived you?  If they weren't angry at him for that, they wouldn't be human. And he deserves that anger being expressed to him.  They may not even express it - they may just avoid him. Which would be a gift.

You have NOTHING to feel ashamed about.  What did YOU do?  You believed someone who expressed love to you, and whom you loved back.  That's normal.  That's what everyone wants to be able to do when they're in love.  You didn't know. You just didn't. If something like this happened to anyone you tell about it, they'd be in the same exact space you're in now - having been hurt through no fault of their own.  You need to think on this clearly - because your feelings will try to fool you sometimes.  If you reason it all out, you know deep in your bones you have nothing to be ashamed of.  So decide that when you feel that shame and humiliation, it's wrong.  That it isn't something you're going to be listening to.  Tell it to go away - that it doesn't belong there. That you know who you are and what you're worth, and you're moving forward with that garbage right where it belongs - in the trash. REFUSE to carry it around with you. Every time you feel it, put it back down and walk away from it.  It's literally a decision that you make ahead of time, so that when you encounter that situation, you already know what you're going to do.

Get your support network in place.  Your sister obviously loves you. She is concerned about you and can see there's something wrong and has asked what it is.  She is even being patient with you when you tell her that you're not ready.  She's told you she's there and waiting on you.  That sounds like a loving sister.  Let her be that to you.  You'd certainly want to be that for her, if the roles were reversed.  Fall into her.  She will catch you.

Kel


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

June 6, 2018 8:59 pm  #6


Re: I was so close...

Deleted.

Last edited by Lynne (October 3, 2020 7:07 pm)

 

June 6, 2018 11:03 pm  #7


Re: I was so close...

My sister was a lifesaver to me.  We're both blessed to have loving sisters please tell her.  That's what sisters are for.  No matter how severe a situation is, she'll be there to help you deal.  My sister's first words after telling her were "I'm speechless".  I'll never forget it.  She was my main support and still is.   I didn't give one shit about revealing his dam secret it to her because I needed help and badly.

ALL focus should be on YOU now.  Fuck him and his moods, it's no longer all about him.  

Last edited by Kathyd (June 6, 2018 11:07 pm)


WTF
 

June 7, 2018 1:42 am  #8


Re: I was so close...

Do tell your sister. Mine has been amazing. Totally unshockable and very supportive.
I decided not to tell my Mum, who is 83. One day they were having a conversation and Mum had said- "well, there are always faults on both sides," and my sister said to me- "Nope, I was not having that, so I told her!".
"She needed to know it was his fault"
I nearly passed out, but I'm glad she did. It felt like I had a champion!

 

June 7, 2018 2:31 am  #9


Re: I was so close...

greyhound gal wrote:

.......and Mum had said- "well, there are always faults on both sides," and my sister said to me- "Nope, I was not having that, so I told her!".
"She needed to know it was his fault"
I nearly passed out, but I'm glad she did. It felt like I had a champion!

That must have felt so.....heart-warming and spirit-lifting to have somebody at your back,
seeing and understanding it from your side..!!


KIA KAHA                       
 

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