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1 of 1- Leah
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A poem for my 30th anniversary.
Thirty years ago today I was married. Three years ago I divorced. Two weeks ago my GIDX remarried a woman. Today again I cried. And wrote this poem about one of many D days. Anyway, I’m a bit teenage angsty, so is my poetry...! Love to you all. I hope it is not too cringeworthy. Feedback welcome...and added stanzas for hilarity are encouraged. We all have poetry and stories that need OUTING!!!
Casting the play
I sat on the bed,
determined this time.
I want a divorce.
I think you are gay.
Are you sure?
Is this what you want?
Yes, I can’t live like this.
I’m not the crazy harridan
You cast me as.
He leaned on the door frame
A sly smile played on his lips.
As he poised to strike
A final blow. Finish us off.
She is the only person I have slept with.
The admission pleased him.
Reaction pleased him, drama.
I was laid low again.
Information is power.
I had none.
Just feelings mocked,
Unreliable intuition
Earlier the email left open
Was I supposed to find.
How much do you know?
He asked. Wary.
She uses your birthdate
as her PIN number
Denials rote routine of
Zero admission policy
27 years repeated
Pulled into a dark vortex now
Of painful Clarity
My life was about him. And Us
And we.
Without this,
Us and we, was a love story.
Tsunamis of change withstood.
Yet the plot twist revealed
A tragedy.
The betrayals, the lovers,
Hidden enemies in my bed.
As the play pivoted
Into this one I hadn’t seen.
I was only a bit player.
A useful foil for the star.
He walked out,
Having played the villain
Of the piece with devastating
Power.
Only to go downstairs
To make tea
As I cried in our bed.
And thought of Bill Clinton.
And the technical correctness
Of his admission that so perfectly
Denied everything.
Yet in doing so,
destroyed me utterly.
A Masterful Actor.
Really.
- greyhound gal
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Re: A poem for my 30th anniversary.
I like the- are you sure, this is what you want? I got that too. As if they are not taking responsibility.
Been wrecking my brains all day for another verse, lol.
27 years, felt like the time flew by,
So many memories,
Were they all a lie?
- phoenix
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Re: A poem for my 30th anniversary.
Great Poem Leah. Thanks for sharing.
It's hard when they remarry. I just found out last week that my ex married the homewrecker she left me for. For some reason it bothered me and I was frustrated that it bothered me. Perhaps another dose of reality? Perhaps another nail in the coffin despite the fact that I wouldn't take her back if I had a gun to my head? Perhaps it's just the awful injustice of the whole thing.. Why should she get ride off into the sunset and be happy after she destroyed my life?
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- Leah
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Re: A poem for my 30th anniversary.
greyhound gal wrote:
I like the- are you sure, this is what you want? I got that too. As if they are not taking responsibility.
Been wrecking my brains all day for another verse, lol.
27 years, felt like the time flew by,
So many memories,
Were they all a lie?
Yes that is the real devastation this sorting thru really! I thought he was just unhappy with his job or with the stresses of family life and yes, with me and our relationship as I kept seeking connection. I never really gave up. I kept knocking on that closed door of his heart.
Thanks Wondering for your kind words. Anything to try and find an outlet and some level of understanding
Phoenix and Lynne, YES YEs yes it is an injustice and it does seem they get off easier! My son told me that “Dad is happier than you are” which felt so hurtful, but in context he was just saying he doesn’t seem as bothered as he moves forward with no thought of me. But then I have to remember that he was always NOT thinking of me... THIS was never about me. He was never my ‘best friend”. Because you don’t go knifing your best friend in the back doing things that you know would hurt them terribly. Yet I loved him and thought I knew that there was an aspect of SSA, but never did I NOT believe him when he said it was curiousity. I couldn’t imagine he would actually do the things he has. It just negates who I thought I was married to. And I just yesterday had a patient who is in her 70s whose husband was transvestite (secret at home style!) And she said how calculating he was at making her the crazy one while he was an upstanding GOOD guy. And as I shared with her my story, she said oh you are such a sunny happy OPEN person, I bet he had a hayday!!!
Indeed he did!
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Thread Starter- OutofHisCloset
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Re: A poem for my 30th anniversary.
Leah,
Your patient spoke the truth! My crossdressing, wannabe woman "transgendered" stbx also was and is so very calculating at manipulating the narrative so that I appear the one in the wrong!
As for the "Dad is happier than you are"--why wouldn't he be? He's a dishonest person who lacks empathy and who gets his own way--of course he's happier! And you are so right--he isn't bothered as he moves forward because he never cared for you, only for himself.