My ex left me after 30+ years of marriage so I I applaud you for discovering the truth and leaving immediately. Thanks to cell phones it is so much easier now for them to slip up and be caught.

In journalism there used to be a saying "If your mother says she loves you check it out."  What that meant was to fact-check everything. Thanks to Google and other search engines that's fairly easy. There also are pay sites that will give you even more information.

I met a man who said he was a widower: I found his wife's obituary. Still I fact-checked everything that he told me and everything he said checked out. In searching I also learned other good things about him so gradually I let myself trust him. It's a process. (If a man said he'd had never been married and had lived with his mother until she died I didn't bother to confirm: he might be a really nice man but I saw at best too much of a relationship learning curve. Also there's no point wasting time with a man whose two-timing so  evidence of a marriage or significant other should end the checking.) At your age there should be lots of men without complications and flashing red lights.

By the way, just because a man is on a Christian dating site does not mean that he is trust-worthy. I am told that Christian dating sites are a magnet for men who are in-the-closet or men otherwise looking for someone to deceive.

The best way to trust again by meeting people and having good experiences.

Yes, you will trust again. I did.  I'm going on my 5-year wedding anniversary to a str8 man, and it's a wonderful relationship.  You just have to keep remembering that YOU are a good person, and there have got to be others like you out there.  And they are.

Kel

I was JUST having this exact conversation with myself while I was making my coffee... I'm 4 months post discovery, he moved out in March and remains in denial. Since this has been such a traumatic betrayal over our entire relationship, my trust issues extend to not only other people but myself especially. I have to convince myself to believe what I'm seeing. I've been in therapy for about a month. What I'm focusing on now is what I treasured about my ex that I'm afraid I won't find from someone else. He was really good at backing me up and making me feel like my everyday feelings/thoughts about life were valid (ironic right. Of course I was completely clueless as to what he was doing behind my back). So with me, and I don't know if it applies to anyone else, I feel like working on trusting MYSELF needs to come first and foremost and I hope with all hopes that after that I will be able to trust another again. I believe so 🙂

Last edited by justwokeup (June 6, 2018 9:40 am)