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1 of 1- username1
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My update
It's been forever since I posted here, though I have been lurking again for a while. My wife came out as a lesbian back around October of last year and we have been working through the divorce. We have finally made progress in the divorce process - papers have been filed, assets mostly divided, and she bought a house that she is moving into this week. The kids seem to have come to terms with the divorce and are doing OK (there are some sad times still, but overall they are good). We are going to be 50/50 with the kids and we are both in the same school district, so that is good. There were some arguments and anger, but we are now on good terms (for what it is).
This has been the worst period of my life. Before she came out, I was happy with my marriage. My job was taking off, the kids were great, our finances were doing well, and it seemed like we had a great future ahead. It took a lot of really hard work to get to that point. That all blew up when she wanted to explore lesbian relationships. I have come to terms with her leaving, I am fine with that now. However, I am devastated that I won't be with the kids every day. Also, with half of everything gone, the future is looking a lot tougher.
The part that is bothering me the most right now is that everyone is happy for her. She posts photos of her new house and everyone is cheering for her "new adventure" and new start. I get it, these are her friends and family, but it still bothers me. She gets her new start, her brave coming out, her instant support groups. It is weird, as I don't wish her any ill will, but the amount of support and happiness she is receiving while I am devastated makes me mad. There is another side to what she has done that has caused hurt for her family. I don't have a new start or exciting new adventure (neither do the kids). I am left picking up the pieces and trying to figure out what to do next. So, she gets everything she wants, half of our money, a new house, and new relationships. I get nothing that I want, I just learn to accept the pain.
I am in therapy, which helps a lot. I would highly recommend it. I also have a support group of family and friends, but there is no excitement and happiness. I can't wait until she leaves now, but I wish the kids would stay.
- Kathyd
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Re: My update
Just reading that is bothersome. I 'm so sorry that she's being reveled in such glory. It's actually sickening to me that people can be so ignorant and not even give the straight spouse a second thought about what we go through. I may be evil but I hope her new relationship bombs and may her new house become infested with fleas. Just sayn'.
Last edited by Kathyd (May 21, 2018 9:37 pm)
WTF
- justwokeup
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Re: My update
Ditto to what kathyd hopes happens. That's lame username, I'm sorry for your pain. It all seems so very unfair. I hope, as I do for all of us, that's there's some divine light that will shine on us for this hardship we've had to endure. If I win the lottery some day, I'm sharing with all you guys. I mean it
- Daryl
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Re: My update
Hi username, it's good when people check in with a status update. Yes, it's sad when something like this happens. An unexpected change of plan and change of life. They're out on their great new adventure and we feel like the old abandoned car hauled off to the scrap yard. You might want to avoid her posts for a bit. Stick with the therapy. Revel in the moment when the kids are there. Create something new in your life. Your day is coming.
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
- username1
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Re: My update
Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement. It really means a lot to me.
- •
Thread Starter- Count of Monte Cristo
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Re: My update
Interesting. I am in a similar boat, but haven't been around enough to see if there is happiness on her side. It does 100% suck. Yup. It does. Mine is all upset at losing my side of the family. I honestly don't know what her family thinks of it all and don't care. Losing the kids, finances, and the future you thought you had is the worst. Yup. Sucks!!! I don't know what to say other than some good advice I got. Not that life goes on, it is going on. No choice. It is a battle and a curveball you could have never predicted. And you had kids with her just like I did. Off to see mine after not seeing them for 6 days. That is the hardest part. Best of luck. Honestly to be honest the ex's suck for doing this. Sorry, but they do. Go get hurt like this yourself one day to see how that feels. Losing someone that is still alive is so incredibly hard.
- Laurence
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Re: My update
I agreee - get off the social media. All it does is remind you of a past and someone who turned their back on you and your family. Yes the financial part sucks BUT now you’re in control. It takes a while but you will come to appreciate that you’re much better off.
Don’t look back.