All Aboard the Crazy Train!! 

OMFG! The shit that comes out of his mouth is so utterly unbelievable that I want to vomit. 

​Last night, we ended up having a discussion, as he calls it.  Sorry, DUDE, but that wasn't a discussion. It was him yelling at me and telling me that I don't understand him and what he is going through.

​Well, at least he got one thing right!  I don't understand most of the shit that spews from his head these days. First thing he says is that he now 'cringes when I touch him' because I refuse to acknowledge he is a woman and he can't 'stand his penis'. He got part of that right. I don't acknowledge he is a woman because he is not a woman. He shouldn't be allowed to ever get to use that word to describe himself. It's insulting to me and every other woman out there.

​Anyway, that lead into me asking him why does he 'pee like a man standing up then if he hates his penis so much and he's such a lady?' I mean, if you are going to emulate something, you gotta give it 100%. If you are going to pretend to be a lady, you need to do everything like a lady would, right? He had no answer.

Later on, he was spouting off some bullshit about how sad he is that he didn't get to experience the magic and joy of blossoming like a girl in puberty and he's so jealous that I got to go through that at 12.  It's one of the few things he was really enjoying about his hormones and he's sooo looking forward to that in the future. Seriously, like going through puberty was some super fun time filled with rainbows, unicorns, magical bras and lace underpants oh...it was such an amazing time!  Oh, yay!! Menstration and boys snapping your bra or trying to grab your boobs all the time cause now you have them and everyone sees them!!  AND there is the added bonus of the ability to get pregnant so you had to be careful about boys...ALL THE TIME!  Oh it was so much FUN! Ugh, not really. I hated that shit!!! He is so fucking delusional it's unbelievable! OH and then there was the whole bathroom deal. Yeah. He's one of those. 

​I was in a mood last night so I asked him if he would use the unisex or family one if there was one available in the future (since at this point the only future here is him leaving to go pretend to be her and me, here alone and doing my happy thing like I used to) and he yelled NO at me because he is a woman and once he is living full time as one, he will have every right to use the woman's restroom because he IS one and everyone will have to accept him as one even if he doesn't pass and he gets made or riduculed or has security called on him. If they don't, well then he said he's going to get in their faces and sue anyone and everyone who doesn't acknowledge him as a woman. 

​I rolled my eyes at that one which made him even more angry. He said that he will show anyone and everyone his 'vagina' once he has surgery to make him into a genetic woman. I don't think he truly understands genetics (BIO 101: Genetics are in your cells, dipshit and you can't change them!!) My god, he really is stupid and unbelievable. What in the fu*! was I thinking when I said yes to this insanity?

Anyway... I swear that I couldn't help myself and I said, "You mean fake vagina?" and man did he blow up even more. He told me that when I say stuff like that, I'm insulting and demeaning him because when he has the surgery and passes, he WILL BE a woman and no one will ever be allowed to question that. All that matters is what's inside. His feminine side and the fact that because he 'feels like a woman, he is one'. I was like, oh really, then why do you need the pantyhose and high heels and make up then? Why do you need to surgically alter your body if all that matters is what's on the inside?  Explain that? His contradictions are dizzying. 

​At that point, he started to tell me I am a horrible person for not recognizing him as a woman. He said I had body dysmorphia because I don't always like my body because I am overweight and that I should understand. At that point, I gave up talking to him and just let him wail on about how horrible his life is in a male body. The failure of our relationship is my fault because I don't believe a word he says. Oh no, this failure could never be his fault. It's my fault because I was ok with him and his stupid transshit before we got together, but now he realizes that I am (and people like me) are the reason men, I mean, trans like him have so many problems in the world. It's MY fault that trans people are killing themselves and yadda yadda yadda.....Truth bomb: Trans people have problems in the world because they are mentally ill and refuse to live in the real world. 

Reality check number 1 (cause I like reality): I didn't care about his transition when we got together because it didn't affect me. When we got together I was very clear about my needs and I straight up told him I wanted to be with a man. I was transparent about my needs and desires. He said he could do that and wanted to be my man.  

But now...oh he can't be that man. He won't be that man. He HAS to transition because there are no other options or ways for dealing with gender dysphoria. According to him, he's tried so many things to cope with his gender dysphoria and live as a man, but he just can't...  Truth bomb here: He's lying. He's never gone to therapy more than a few times in his entire life and the ONLY reason he went was to get a doctor to give him the diagnosis of gender dysphoria and transgender so he could get on hormones. He is so full of shit it's unbelievable!!!..

​And what do I see?  I see a mentally ill man who refuses to get help for not just his gender dysphoria and autogynephilia, but a heap of other mental illnesses such as depression, oppositional defiance disorder, anger management, a touch of narcissism complete with low self-esteem and self-worth and self harming behavior. 

And get this: I don't have a problem with trans people. I feel sorry for them cause they are so psychologically unstable it's scary. And they aren't safe to be around because they are still men inside. Men who want to bend reality and force everyone to agree with them..or else. 

​OMG!  Will someone please help me off of this crazy train? (rhetorical question)  I am going to have to do something about this situation very soon because to be honest, I am pretty physically scared of him right now. He has a history of blowing up and breaking stuff because he doesn't know how to deal with his anger. I'd like to say I trust that he'd never harm me, but I thought that about a few ex's and ended up in the hospital just one too many times (one time was too many).

​Thank god he's an OTR truck driver and will be gone again soon so he'll be on the road again for 3 weeks. I cannot wait!!  He's been home for a week instead of his normal 3 days cause he got into trouble at work last week and had a mental break down in the truck so they sent him home to figure his shit out. He was supposed to go see a counselor for it. Of course he didn't cause he's not the one with the issues. It's everyone else that has the issues.  WE are the problem. Not him. I swear, sometimes when I am talking to him, he says the exact same shit that my younger brother with a drug addiction says when you try to talk to him about his drug problem. Drugs or pantyhose, they both say exactly the same shit!!

​And he can't leave me because he loves me. I'm not believing that bullshit either.  Truth is, he can't leave right now because he has no where to go and I own a nice house. Well, he's going to have to leave. I can't tolerate this abuse any more. I refuse to be dragged any further down into this pit of insanity and attacked for not agreeing with him or acknowledging he is a woman...cause he's not and never will be. 

​Sigh. Man it feels good getting that off of my chest. Thank you all for listening. I swear, this shit will be over sooner rather than later. How, I have no idea, but I'm really clever and resourceful and I do not have to ride the crazy train anymore. 

Last edited by Nomorelies (March 20, 2018 10:31 am)