First, I want to thank whoever created this forum for it's been invaluable and the people here, their stories, have totally made me feel like I am not the only person in the world dealing with a CD/Autogynephilic trans partner because I have felt alone in dealing with this and it's been rough. I've been lurking for a while, but today I felt like it was time to share my story.

​My current boyfriend was actually transitioning, on hormones and trying to live as a pretend 'woman' before we got together. I had no interest in him in that way until he proclaimed his undying love to me and wanted to take our friendship (we were bestfriends) to the next level. Because I loved him (and still do), I said ok if he straight up understood that I am a heterosexual female who likes to be with men.  Not women. Not men pretending to be women in frilly dresses, lace underpants, pantyhose and high heels. Men. I like MEN!! He claimed he could be that man and so I said ok.  He moved in and life with him was amazing...Until it wasn't.  

​Now I was ok with his crossdressing in the beginning.  I thought it was fun and figured it was 'just clothes', no big deal. Sadly, I had no idea what I was saying yes to. First time we went out together and he was in drag, I used the wrong pronoun and he threw a temper fit. I remember wondering why this was such a big deal since 1. He is male and 2. he is my boyfriend and 3. He told me to use whatever pronoun I was comfortable with (LIE number 1). Now at the time, he was my boyfriend, not girlfriend so I couldn't very well say 'boyfriend' and she, right?

​Anyway...as things progressed, he started to talk about desiring boobs and how he gave up his hormones 'for me'. He has an obsession with having boobs like they are some magical thing which make a woman a woman!!  Now, I remember getting angry with him because I never asked him to give up the hormones.  He gave up his hormones willingly because he couldn't maintain an erection and he wanted to be able to function in bed. Why was this my fault? (I now know why: It's NEVER their fault)

​So most of last year, he kept telling me he wanted to be 'my man', but that his 'female side', this woman who is trapped inside of him, is so strong that he has to let her out or  else. He says that he isn't and can't and won't be the man he's promised to be for me (and every other relationship he's ever been in) because he is essentially a woman (typical tranny 'feminine/woman essence narrative' bullshit). Mind you, there is nothing feminine about him at all. He has serious anger issues which come out when he doesn't get his way. He doesn't walk, talk, act like a woman ever...even when he's dressed up like one. 

​Now for months, according to him, he didn't cross dress because according to him, I don't like it. It's true, I don't like it because I don't believe it's a healthy behavior and does nothing but reinforce his made-up 'female gender identity' and strengthen his fantasy that he's a woman. He doesn't pass and he knows it, yet still, his desire persists and he continues to do it anyway. We've had huge fights about this which is why we are where we are now.

One time I caught him with eyeliner on and he said he was just playing around with make up because he was bored, but that he hasn't been cross dressing at all for months now.  Now, I don't believe a word he says. He's told me that he used to lie and sneak around on his ex-wife, cross dressing and going out to meet men who will validate his 'woman-ness'. Another time, he went to therapy to 'get help for our relationship' and he came home after ONE session and claimed that the therapist totally agreed that he's transgender and deserves hormones and that *I* needed to accept that and support it (WTF: ONE session!!!! She should have her license revoked as far as I am concerned.) 

​Now, after reading this forum, "Men trapped in Men's Bodies", and other stuff, I came to the great realization that he has autogynephilia and it's so strong that nothing else matters. He's also a narcissist. The only thing matters is what he wants: being a made-up fake woman and being pretty and everything that goes along with that.  I actually talked to him about autogynephilia and in typical trans-fashion, he denies it ...EVEN though he fits the description to the t! Yesterday he told me if we break up, he's looking forward to learning more about haircare and skin care because it's something women do. He's obsessed with 'being pretty'. (I was like REALLY? Jeez!!) I just roll my eyes. Putting on make up or high heels won't make you a woman any more than putting on a pair of rubber boots and living in a garage will make you a car!!

​SO what do I do now? I fucked up and got myself financially dependent on him. I've had to quit having sex with him because he told me that he can only have sex with me when he imagines he IS me (eg the woman) and has a vagina and everything.  Mind you, he was never interested in my body or vagina or boobs. He claims he's never been into sex because he doesn't like sex. (Thanks for telling me that now, asshole). He actually had the audacity to ask me if I would be willing to let him bring 'her' into our bedroom so we can have a functional sex life again!! (WTF? Hell no!!!) He also accused me of not being supportive and not accepting this part of him because it's 'who he is' and 'what he is'. I told him I did accept him but that I don't believe in the whole 'woman trapped in a man's body' bullshit and that I believe he has a deviant abnormal sexuality (autogynephilia) complete with erotic targeting errors and cannot be or function as a normal hetero male. (He of course, got angry)

​So that's my story. I've been pulling away from him as much as I can. He doesn't like it. I don't care. He says that if we break up, he'll be losing something so precious to him and he knows he's fucking it up. I think these statements are just more lies he tells. I've been trying to focus on my business, but have been struggling because of him. His bullshit has been my only focus and I'm sick of it. Utterly sick of it. I'm almost to the point of kicking him out because I simply can't deal with it (It = him/her) anymore, but I am terrified of the financial consequences of doing that. 

​The one thing I have today though is I know I will figure this out and come out smiling on the other side. Whenever that is....I want to write a book about this experience because there's so many of 'their' stories out there (too many if you ask me) and it's not right. OUR stories matter too!!!

​Thanks so much for letting me share here. I appreciate every single one of you and this forum more than I can express here in this forum. 

Last edited by Nomorelies (March 16, 2018 8:56 am)