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March 2, 2018 10:19 am  #1


He admits im not enough, sexually.

Last night we talked for hours. We solidified the fact that we are getting a divorce. After he knew it was over for sure he started opening up more. I asked questions.

I asked him to explain why and what he likes about Trannys and Tran porn ect. In our conversation this came out:

1. He has been feeling that it is over so last week and yesterday he was looking at girlie underwear they make for men. Like lacey thongs and  assless underwear. He said he fantasizes about being fucked in them.

2.He talked to is therapist and told her if our marriage ends then he wants to try his Bi side out and have sex with a Tranny before he settles down with a woman again. And that the thought if that is really exciting to him. He also said he is a lil afraid to do it only cause he will have to be honest with a future girlfriend about it if he does.

3. He admitted that I am not enough for him sexually. He would never admit this before and was still reluctant to last night..
I finally got him to understand. If I was enough, you wouldnt crave anything else as much as you do. Your porn wouldnt consistently be gay if that wasnt what you were missing/wanting.
So, he admitted it.

It all hurts so bad. I couldnt help but cry....at the thought of me letting him go and him going out and being fucked in the ass by some Tran. I am so disgusted. I am a mess. Why does a bit of me still not want to let him go? Even though I am...


I am just so lost, hurt, and disgusted. I feel like my life is over. I am sinking today. Trying to stay strong in my resolve.

 

March 2, 2018 10:32 am  #2


Re: He admits im not enough, sexually.

I have been feeling this sinking feeling for the last 7 weeks. Yet I'm still here. I'm sorry. I know it doesn't help.

 

March 2, 2018 10:39 am  #3


Re: He admits im not enough, sexually.

Dear Tyurk:

The situation you are in is unimaginable.  I think in the beginning of accepting the things we can not change, well, we tend to focus on them...on how we are lacking in what they need...well, the absolute reality is they are lacking in what WE need. 

His idea of intimacy, love, heart, soul, romance does not line up with what you carry as precious.  Relationships are a gift, connection is an amazing prize.  We all must know our own self without a doubt before committing to anyone...that is how it is and how it should have been all along.  They should have been upfront with us.  That is the biggest problem surrounding being in a committed relationship and then finding out who we believed them to be is not in alignment with who they actually are.

It hurts.  The sweet future that you counted on being just up ahead turned out to be rotten lemons.  Yesterday we can't do much to fix but today and the many tomorrows that follow, well there is great promise in that!

~Detour

 

March 2, 2018 10:43 am  #4


Re: He admits im not enough, sexually.

Tyurk,

I am so sorry you're going through this.  It does get better - I know that's of little consolation today.  But what your reactions are completely normal for what you've just been told.  And yes, I'd expect that the thought of your beloved husband having sex with ANYone else - much less with a tranny - would turn anyone's stomach.  Of course it feels that way.

Your life is not over - not by a long shot.  It's going to be okay.  In the meantime, find someone you can confide in, see a therapist to help you deal with all of this, and see a doctor immediately if you feel like medication would be of immediate help.  Do all that you can at this point to make yourself stronger - besides pulling it up from deep within your gut.  Use every outside resource that you think you need right now.  Get plenty of rest (which I know is like telling a new mother to get plenty of rest - as if it's something that she could do).  Take care of your body with proper nutrition.  Just go on route for now if you must, but keep taking care of yourself until you can get out of the woods, so to speak.

We're here for you.  Keep stopping by whenever you need to vent or to gather strength.

Kel
 


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

March 2, 2018 11:25 am  #5


Re: He admits im not enough, sexually.

Deleted

Last edited by Duped (August 28, 2019 1:49 pm)

 

March 2, 2018 11:42 am  #6


Re: He admits im not enough, sexually.

delete
 

Last edited by Lynne (February 27, 2019 6:52 pm)

 

March 2, 2018 11:45 am  #7


Re: He admits im not enough, sexually.

delete

Last edited by Lynne (February 27, 2019 6:52 pm)

 

March 2, 2018 3:33 pm  #8


Re: He admits im not enough, sexually.

Tyurk,
  It isn't that you're not enough.  It's that he has a sexuality that is different than yours.  You would never "be enough" because he is wired to want something other than what you are.  There's nothing you could have done to have prevented this break up.  
  I suspect that he is lying to himself when he says he's just going to "experiment" and "try it out" and then go back to being heterosexual, and he's doing that to keep from having to own his sexuality. 
   That you have had this conversation is no doubt good, in that you now know what he wants precludes a relationship with him.  That will help you let go down the road.  Now that you've had it, however, the best thing you can do to prevent more hurt and to begin healing is to not get drawn into long conversations with him.  Let him figure himself out on his own.  You do you.  You have a lot of healing to do, and you will need to do it without his pulling you back into his orbit.  
  Often times I think my wanting to talk to my stbx about his sexuality was a way for me to keep hope alive, and it wasn't healthy for me in the long run.
   

 

March 2, 2018 8:40 pm  #9


Re: He admits im not enough, sexually.

Tyurk, when I read this:

"He talked to is therapist and told her if our marriage ends then he wants to try his Bi side out and have sex with a Tranny before he settles down with a woman again."

​...I just about lost it.  I sure as hell hope his therapist grabbed him by the lapels and shook him good and hard and informed him that under absolutely no circumstances should he even consider settling down with another woman whose heart will be crushed by his inability to be the husband he's pretending to be.

Then I read this:

"He also said he is a lil afraid to do it only cause he will have to be honest with a future girlfriend about it if he does.​" 

​...by which I assume he means to suggest that if he doesn't go out and try it, he won't have to be honest with a future girlfriend?  I'm not sure I can make sense of that sentence.  

 

 

March 3, 2018 12:56 pm  #10


Re: He admits im not enough, sexually.

walkbymyself wrote:

Tyurk, when I read this:

"He talked to is therapist and told her if our marriage ends then he wants to try his Bi side out and have sex with a Tranny before he settles down with a woman again."

​...I just about lost it.  I sure as hell hope his therapist grabbed him by the lapels and shook him good and hard and informed him that under absolutely no circumstances should he even consider settling down with another woman whose heart will be crushed by his inability to be the husband he's pretending to be.

Then I read this:

"He also said he is a lil afraid to do it only cause he will have to be honest with a future girlfriend about it if he does.​" 

​...by which I assume he means to suggest that if he doesn't go out and try it, he won't have to be honest with a future girlfriend?  I'm not sure I can make sense of that sentence.  

 

Walkbymyself,

He told me he wants to be with a woman long term. But wants to take this time to experiment with his Bi side since we are not together. He knows he has to tell the next woman about his sexuality. He also feels if he actually has gay sex its something He will have to tell the next woman as well. And what he says is he doesnt know if he will have this gay sex as he doesnt want that on his plate to have to divulge.

No, his therapist didnt grab him and shake him. Its ok for him to experiment now as long as it hurts no one. There are women out there who dont have an issue with this..thats who he needs to be with. He seems to not want to make the same mistake again to ruin the next relationship.

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