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Sun Feb 11 4:24 am  #11


Re: Have I gone insane?

Walkbymyself, 
I checked the history on his computer when he was out of his office (we have a business together, just the two of us). That's when I saw that he was on several gay hook-up sites and craigslist. I decided to sign up on the ones that I know he was using. I use the incognito window so my history does not show, although if someone is good at IT I'm sure they could see what websites have been visited. Anyway, once I joined, I searched the areas around us. There was his naked picture (no face)! Now it's just his junk. You would be amazed how many married guys are on this site and they are VERY descriptive on what they like and want. So....here I am with total proof!


“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
 
 

Sun Feb 11 4:49 am  #12


Re: Have I gone insane?

Roo, I feel your pain, and I also have the fear about being alone. My discovery was 3 weeks ago, after 43 years of being married. We just brought our retirement home, and I felt I was living the dream, and now this betrayal.....BUT, now I have to take care of me. You have to take care of you. Hope and Acceptance, I have Hope that I will be OK and I will be happy again, and I have to Accept that my husband is gay and my "marriage" was not what I thought it was. Please take care of you, You have your proof, you have the truth. I would shut it down if I were you, take a positive step for you, you don't need to pollute your mind with anymore of his disgusting behavior.

I wish you the very best.
Always, cindy

 

Sun Feb 11 12:32 pm  #13


Re: Have I gone insane?

Rob is right. You can request logs from your cell provider (call them), with some companies sometimes the logs are viewable online. Simply login the main account.

Routers can hold logs as well like Rob says. Belkins do. You can also request logs from your ISP.

If you are wanting to recover deleted items from a computer, Recuva from Piriform will get the job done. Free prog, I've used it many times https://www.ccleaner.com/recuva

If you need to recover deleted items on the cell I recommend Dr Fone from Wondershare https://drfone.wondershare.com/android-data-recovery.html

Happy to help with anything you need. My secondary job is web development so my cache of security knowledge is pretty good.

 

Mon Feb 12 9:10 am  #14


Re: Have I gone insane?

So, I can't be 100% sure he went to this club yesterday while I was gone because he did not set our security alarm when he left (because it logs it and we get emails when there is activity). BUT, the location on his phone got turned off, his laptop was offline in the middle of the day and since our alarm logs all activity of open/closing doors, there was no activity between 8:50am and 3:00pm. Highly unusual. That's a long time to spend at this place. 
I'm home today so I will be making some calls. 

I have made a call and this time I have an appointment. I just hope I'm strong enough to keep it. I'm scared to death.

Last edited by Roo (Mon Feb 12 11:37 am)


“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
 
     Thread Starter
 

Mon Feb 12 5:42 pm  #15


Re: Have I gone insane?

Thanks, Rob.  i don't have access to his phone bills, but I could figure out the router, since it's my responsibility.  I know you just find out bad stuff ... but it might give me the push I need.

​What I keep thinking about is that Penn State guy, Joey Paterno, who molested all those kids, and everybody always wondered how on earth this went on for so long and his wife never suspected.  I don't want to be that wife.  I don't know what my husband is doing online, but if it's going to be something that is that sick and that illegal, it's better I do find out now.  Maybe I'm overreacting or imagining the worst, but I already know the formerly unthinkable and formerly impossible have turned out to be completely possible.

I may take you up on your tech support offer!

 

 

Mon Feb 12 6:01 pm  #16


Re: Have I gone insane?

I recall it well...  there I was snooping..  thinking "what the hell am I doing?...
why do I have to do this? ..what kind of wife makes their husband hack like this?
".   My answer..a cheating wife.
Trust your gut... if you think they are hiding or doing something bad they are.  I'm convinced that mistrust and wondering we are forced to do is a form of trauma or abuse.   We should not have to wonder if our spouse is picking up a gallon of milk or having sex.  Doesn't matter if they are really getting milk..we should not have to wonder.   

So very sorry..  You are not insane..

 


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

Mon Feb 12 6:39 pm  #17


Re: Have I gone insane?

Roo,
   Yay!  Good for you!   I know how hard it was for you to make that call and get an appointment.  When you go there will likely have some kind of intake form; if it's like the one I filled out, it will ask for all sorts of financial information I didn't know (because I hadn't anticipated being asked).  Don't be intimidated by it; just fill out what you can, and then use the questions as a guide to help you find the answers.  
   I was nervous the morning I went to the lawyer's, but the office was very friendly, and the lawyer professional. 
   Again, a big step for you!  Good for you.

 

Mon Feb 12 7:09 pm  #18


Re: Have I gone insane?

Rob, when I first found out, and I was wandering around in a complete fog, what kept running through my head was a quote from a Sherlock Holmes story I must have read ages ago: "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truth."  Something I would have thought impossible -- that my husband (of all people) would actually cheat on me, that he would be gay -- turned out not to be impossible, merely improbable.  So now I may be unduly suspicious or something, and I may be reading things into the situation that simply don't exist, but I want to reassure myself that it's not even worse than what I already know about.

 

Mon Feb 12 7:42 pm  #19


Re: Have I gone insane?

Roo,   I hope you're strong enough to keep it, too, because just following through will make you feel stronger. You will be nervous so have some questions ready and take good notes. 
  

 

Wed Feb 14 1:38 pm  #20


Re: Have I gone insane?

Well, I mentioned earlier in this thread that I didn't have proof he went to this club on Sunday because he never set our security alarm....now I do. He put a descriptive comment on one of the websites he is on so there is more proof. Seriously, how someone who is so smart can be so stupid! He's got to realize he is going to get caught some day, right??


“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
 
     Thread Starter
 

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