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February 9, 2018 6:10 pm  #1

Have I gone insane?

So, I mentioned in a post or two that I signed up some fake accounts on several gay hook-up sites. So far just the ones I found that he has been logging into. A few days ago he posted that he is planning on going to a club (gay bath house) this Sunday (I'll be out of town all day/evening WORKING). Today, I posted that I will be there Sunday and asked how the crowds are. He messaged 'me' back letting me know he will be there, that he likes my 'profile'. 
Am I crazy for doing this? I can effing spit nails right but and I have to ACT as if nothing is wrong! Bring on the bottle of rum!! LOL! 

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~

February 9, 2018 6:16 pm  #2

Re: Have I gone insane?

Roo - please, stop. Please explain to us why you haven’t put an end to this.

He is lying
He is cheating
He is risking HIV
He is risking your sexual health

What more is it going to take?


February 9, 2018 6:34 pm  #3

Re: Have I gone insane?

Your doing it because they drive you crazy and you are trying to nail more 'final' nails in their coffin. Another reason I think is we get almost giddy with the fact that we finally have the truth and want to celebrate. Yes! Bring on the rum indeed because from what you described It doesn't get any more final than this. The sad part is though we do this to ourselves in one way as a positive reminder, it can also be a form of trauma reanactment. This is where you find the end of the insanity, present your case and flee from the disease of this asshole.
I wish all the best for you and so sorry you are here and going through this nightmare.
Keep us posted.

Last edited by Scrupulous (February 9, 2018 6:35 pm)

Life is like phases of the moon.... We really only see it when it's beautiful, full and in our face. 

February 9, 2018 7:14 pm  #4

Re: Have I gone insane?

I think I am just so frightened to bring this up to him, I'm frightened about being alone for the rest of my life. Since finding out last year that he is bisexual and him admitting it, he SWORE that the person he was having sex with was the only one and that he wanted only ME and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Last year after finding out and seeing his profile on several websites, he took them down....until a few months ago. Now he is back at it, looking for hookups so I'm sure this man he was regularly seeing was NOT the only one and it's been one big lie! His need for this type of sex is just off the charts I guess. Sometimes I think I am still in denial even though it has smacked me right across the face. 

Last edited by Roo (February 9, 2018 7:14 pm)

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
     Thread Starter

February 9, 2018 7:23 pm  #5

Re: Have I gone insane?

Roo, what in heavens name is so awful about being alone. It’s not as if you’ll never interact, talk to or receive affection from another living being ever. Alone isn’t some hideous state. My best and happiest years have been alone, it’s fun, it’s empowering.
Seriously alone sounds bliss compared to this utter shit you are in.

I’m sorry (not sorry) but does he really have you believing that this life ‘not alone’ is anything approaching happiness. No, you are utterly miserable. Take it from me, alone and peaceful is a million times better. Alone can be glorious. I really can’t understand why a peaceful life alone (but with friends, family and maybe a fabulous new love) seems so damn awful to people.

Last edited by Duped (February 9, 2018 7:25 pm)


February 9, 2018 11:28 pm  #6

Re: Have I gone insane?

Alone is better than living with someone who is cheating on you. Someone who is hurting you.

Before you go away for that day message him back as that gay person ..say that he is hurting his wife, hurting her and how could he do this to her.  Then go on your trip.   When you get back ask him how his weekend was.   I think you'll find it not that useful to yourself to keep seeing all his dirt and trash. 

Discretely plan your need to confront and listen to the lies...but no need to help him either...

Alone is better than wondering if he is on a date or cheating.  It is solace and peace and freedom from abuse.

Last edited by Rob (February 9, 2018 11:33 pm)

"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7

February 10, 2018 8:32 am  #7

Re: Have I gone insane?

Alone does not equal lonely.
One is never more lonely than when abandoned while in a relationship.



February 10, 2018 10:29 am  #8

Re: Have I gone insane?

Please listen to this and stop. You know everything there is to know, don’t torture yourself anymore. I was married over 30 years, and 3 years ago, after putting the pieces together, I kicked him to the curb. I wasn’t sleeping, and I had anxiety through the roof. My life now is peaceful and drama free, and I sleep great. There is nothing wrong with being alone, like OOHC says, “ alone does not equal lonely.” He’s a liar and a cheater, you deserve so much more than the crumbs you are settling for.


February 10, 2018 5:25 pm  #9

Re: Have I gone insane?

Roo, how do you find out this stuff online ... like how do you know which hookup sites he's on, what name he uses?  I go back and forth between wanting to find out and not wanting to go looking for more hurt ... but my husband is really, really secretive with his login info.  I can't get into his laptop.  I think I know the pw to his phone, but he never ever lets it out of his sight, so I haven't had the chance to see for myself, and even if I do, the only thing I'm going to find is text messages.  I have no idea whether or not he goes on other sites, but for example this morning he was sitting on the sofa using his laptop, and when I came in to talk to him, he was very obviously concealing the screen from me.  It's not as if I myself haven't posted things that are private from time to time -- I mean, I've bared my soul here -- but I think there's more to his online activity than that.  


February 10, 2018 11:41 pm  #10

Re: Have I gone insane?


The phone bill or now, perhaps, the phone company website has all the numbers they text to  and you can use a web  phone number lookup to get an idea about the phone numbers.
For the computer   your home router   may have an admin page with a log... one can look up the IP addresses in the log..  If your router is from your internet provider call them and ask for help.   Heck give me the brand and I'll look it up for you..

But  you know,   it didn't do me any good in know what you will find..just bad stuff.    The fact that they take their phone to the bathroom and don't trust you to see anything on that or their computer ;  tells you all you need to know.    

"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7

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