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Support » Afraid to be Alone » Today 11:37 am

Rob
Replies: 7

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Grace,

Dittome too. But..
We are alone, for now.
We fear the future alone, for now.

I honestly don't know what I will do when my last kid is out and gone.  Im not going to worry about this now though. I know I will not have a cheating disloyal covert gay spouse with me..and that makes all the difference.

Support » I Went on A Date » Today 11:28 am

Rob
Replies: 4

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Yep..I learned I was pretty good company..I don't lie, cheat or steal on myself. 
My life is free of the artificial drama now...one can leave a cup on the table and guess what..no lives are lost and the world will not end.  Kids love my house.

Support » Am I crazy? » Thu Feb 15 9:00 am

Rob
Replies: 10

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Newbornuk,

A kind welcome.

Short answer;
NO...you are not crazy to want to do things kindly.    Our kindness is part of who we are.     But they have rejected that kindness.

Long answer  (Kel style):
Your post resonated with me, somewhat of a veteran here, because your situation fit exactly into "my wife turned into a lesbian recipe";  namely;

a.) stay at home mom
b.) left the work force..  we didn't ask or force them to go back to work
c.) suddenly has a friend that is gay
d.) willing to ditch year/decades of friendship, marriage,  for their "new love"

One thing missing in the recipe is your kids are younger...  I always thought they are more apt to do this when the kids are older and they themselves feel they have the right to be teenagers again..

The big thing missing is that  "gay recipe"... let's add it but we didn't know it,, NOT OUR FAULT....  is  "a same sex attraction that was always there". 

I agree with the other posts....this was always in her....  my having a gay friend would not suddenly make me like men...if you put a gun to my head i could not do it..  Even now,  free as I am to date whoever I want , I would be revolted by a gay friend coming on to me...

...back to your question though.     I was kind to a fault some would say but kind..   my now GX became cruel and abusive but I can look back now and sleep at night knowing I did not rage back at the hurt coming my way.   Some people  look  back and think "I should have said this or that  or stood more firmly"...  No that was not me... I refused to become like her.   The problem was she started  a "war" ,as you call it ,filing for divorce  but really cheating and mistreating me first.   So when my lawyer, who was paid to defend me , responded to her demands (go live on the street) with the single word ..."NO". ...she became even more abusive.   It was kinda of like me standing up for myself ..a little too little to late  but nonetheless, nonetheless

Support » Wrecked » Tue Feb 13 11:07 pm

Rob
Replies: 7

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2naive,

I wouldn't say they were gossiping so much as they don't know what to say or how to handle TGT...its really beyond peoples expertise or experience..TGT is hard on every one.

Support » Have I gone insane? » Mon Feb 12 6:01 pm

Rob
Replies: 24

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I recall it well...  there I was snooping..  thinking "what the hell am I doing?...
why do I have to do this? ..what kind of wife makes their husband hack like this?
".   My answer..a cheating wife.
Trust your gut... if you think they are hiding or doing something bad they are.  I'm convinced that mistrust and wondering we are forced to do is a form of trauma or abuse.   We should not have to wonder if our spouse is picking up a gallon of milk or having sex.  Doesn't matter if they are really getting milk..we should not have to wonder.   

So very sorry..  You are not insane..

 

Support » SAHD devastated contemplating future » Sun Feb 11 8:23 am

Rob
Replies: 11

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Brett,

Leave and go where?   Would you want to leave your children?

Those kids will need someone that puts them first...and as much as you love your wife..she is not it.

If we forget about ourselves for a minute..rule #1 or #2 of a marriage is you don't hurt the kids.  But these spouses are doing just that..care more about themselves than the children.

My kids are fine now but the best I could do was mitigate my GXs destruction....these kids will never know how much these gay spouses screwed them...financially mainly.  My GX to this day thinks she is the most wonderful mother..its a fantasy...a sick fantasy is their mind.

Do not leave your home.  Do not leave your children.  Even if they are very young they need you now more than ever.

I like to think that part of my kids doing well now is they saw dad was not going anywhere...I am their father..I did not go outside the marriage or put anyone else before them or their mother.   I kept my vows, promises, comittments..did everything a father should. 

Protect those kids from your spouses ignorance.

General Discussion » That was Then and This is Now » Sat Feb 10 11:54 pm

Rob
Replies: 11

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"..Marriage should be a safe place. ..."

Yes... when you come home and shake with trauma at the betrayal and covert lies  or in physical fear...  No, that is not
marriage.. it is not even a bad roommate...it is abuse...in-humane..  Diabolical and malevolent evil some would say.  

The day she left ..yes I was sad... but it felt like a ton of bricks was lifted off my chest..  I felt ...safe.     

 

Support » Have I gone insane? » Sat Feb 10 11:41 pm

Rob
Replies: 24

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walkbymyself,

The phone bill or now, perhaps, the phone company website has all the numbers they text to  and you can use a web  phone number lookup to get an idea about the phone numbers.
 
For the computer   your home router   may have an admin page with a log... one can look up the IP addresses in the log..  If your router is from your internet provider call them and ask for help.   Heck give me the brand and I'll look it up for you..

But  you know,   it didn't do me any good in end...you know what you will find..just bad stuff.    The fact that they take their phone to the bathroom and don't trust you to see anything on that or their computer ;  tells you all you need to know.    

Support » Can some People not mend and have permission to end » Sat Feb 10 11:24 pm

Rob
Replies: 18

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andrea,

But doesn't your mom need you?    You are worth more than you know.   While I long to see the face of God it is not my/your time yet..  I have kids on this earth and they will need me when they are in trouble.  There are people everywhere  that will need you ...you just have not met them yet.
These cheating and discarding spouses of ours are just not worth it....they discard so quickly because they lack morals and integrity.   They are incapable of true love.. They are not worth the fierce love we gave..

You feel lost,   for now.    You feel worthless and abandoned, for  now...    but it is only a season,     You will get through the season.. it cannot last forever...it does not.    Call that number...you are worth it.

a big e-hug
 

Support » Have I gone insane? » Fri Feb 9 11:28 pm

Rob
Replies: 24

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Alone is better than living with someone who is cheating on you. Someone who is hurting you.


Before you go away for that day message him back as that gay person ..say that he is hurting his wife, hurting her and how could he do this to her.  Then go on your trip.   When you get back ask him how his weekend was.   I think you'll find it not that useful to yourself to keep seeing all his dirt and trash. 

Discretely plan your exit...no need to confront and listen to the lies...but no need to help him either...

Alone is better than wondering if he is on a date or cheating.  It is solace and peace and freedom from abuse.

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