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General Discussion » Yet another Grace and Frankie thread » Yesterday 6:32 pm

Ellexoh_nz
Replies: 6

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This is a tv series? 
It's a script, with actors/actresses. It's not real.

How wonderful if all straightspouses had perfect skin, gorgeous clothes, a place to live, 
and enough money to not worry. And people who were interested in what was happening
in their lives.

Support » Old Member Back with TGT once again » October 12, 2018 11:23 pm

Ellexoh_nz
Replies: 53

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PennyD wrote:

..... The bottom line is we are turned on by very different things, and I don’t think it is fixable. I just don’t want the man I’m with to fantasise about sucking cock or being fucked up the arse. Or even a man who has such difficulty connecting that he has to turn to extreme porn to fucking feel something. It’s not what I signed up for and it seems far to complex for me to even try to figure out.

This is true for me too

Support » Old Member Back with TGT once again » October 12, 2018 7:09 pm

Ellexoh_nz
Replies: 53

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PennyD wrote:

.....She told him that watching/reading gay porn in and of itself doesn’t mean he is gay- ...
Your thoughts on all this would be most welcome.

I think a better way to look at it is.....watching/reading gay porn means a man is not straight.
May be gay, may be bi. But is certainly not straight

Support » Old Member Back with TGT once again » October 9, 2018 4:28 pm

Ellexoh_nz
Replies: 53

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PennyD wrote:

My mind is still going to the places in our marriage/relationship that was uniquely us. The things we laughed at, ridiculed, silly stuff. That makes me sad. However it doesn’t supersede what was very wrong, leaving me in a no-Mans land of depression, over eating and binge watching tv shows- basically neglecting myself.
This shit is hard.

 

Yip....really fucking hard. What's sad for me is that even though he's said he's left all that stuff behind....he can't see what all that stuff has done to me. And even if he never sucks another cock....I will never trust him not to. It's the lack of appreciation of, and lack of respect for me that I can't get past, and he's too wrapped up in his unemotional/reserved/concrete/black & white world to see these as necessary to our survival

Support » Old Member Back with TGT once again » October 9, 2018 1:04 pm

Ellexoh_nz
Replies: 53

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OutofHisCloset said
 " I guess what I'm saying is, don't let your guard down..... You know what you know.  You know what it means for your marriage.  You know what you have to do.   And you are going to have to be the one to do it, because these in denial/in the closet men will not act, even though it would be the honorable, ethical, loving thing to do.  Because they aren't any of those things--at least in relation to us."
    
OOHC is right. While still caught in the trap of hope that my 34 r'ship can be saved, and also not quite believing it will end......every day a little piece of what I believed in gets chipped away. He doesn't know it because he doesn't like talking about it, and I've stopped thinking that getting him to talk about it will help.
I know I'll have to be the one to do it. 
So every day I see him in a different light. And I know as I pare and chip away at my r'ship...one day there may be nothing left, all the hopes and dreams gone....but he probably won't even notice because he's left it all to me.

 

Support » Where to go from here » October 8, 2018 12:53 pm

Ellexoh_nz
Replies: 17

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3 years is not long in the scheme of a Straightspouse World. You have time on your side. 

If a man can tell one lie about using condoms to a woman who thinks he's telling the truth....he's a man who can keep other secrets. And secrets kill relationships

Support » Where to go from here » October 8, 2018 12:31 am

Ellexoh_nz
Replies: 17

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Was it a dream? wrote:

I’m new to the forum ..... he told me one night that he was 5% bisexual

My partner has NEVER said "I'm 95% straight". Just that his bisexuality is ONLY 5% of who he is. 
Which shows me where his focus is

Strategies for MOM's » Lack of Trust and Forgiveness » October 2, 2018 1:35 pm

Ellexoh_nz
Replies: 7

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Brassyhub wrote:

.....We may have to learn to forgive ourselves, as well as our partners......But Hub.....what have WE done that we need to forgive OURSELVES for? My first immediate reaction when my wife finally 'came out' to herself and to me was of compassion and immense sadness for the pain that she'd been living with for so long, without really understanding herself.....When my partner admitted desires to explore, along with the hidden account etc...it just made me angry!!!  I don't feel any compassion for any personal angst he may have gone through that lead to the dishonest and hurtful behavior because I felt disrespected as his partner of 30+ years. So understanding the 'why' does now help me to live with and accept (more or less) a sexless and desire-less marriage that nevertheless includes a lot of friendship, fellowship, affection and care...While I can understand the Why....the lack of trust I feel now stops me from believing in him... 

It's great to see you Hub 
 

Support » Old Member Back with TGT once again » October 1, 2018 8:38 pm

Ellexoh_nz
Replies: 53

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PennyD wrote:

....

This morning I looked at his iPad again and there are more gay stories.....I find the gay literature more intimate than visual porn. It’s telling what he chooses to read also. I’m wondering if anyone else has seen this from their GID

My partner used to read literotica....endlessly it seemed, and then want to 'act out' some of it. A progression from buying me sexy lingerie, that I initially thought was for me to be sexy for him but realise now it was the women in the stories he may have been recreating and fantasising about. 
I said "no" to all of that 18 months ago when he admitted to wanting more experiment with men. It's almost like we're both waiting to see who breaks first. Well, that's how I feel anyway. He is very close-lipped and unemotional regarding The Elephant in The Room and prefers to act like it doesn't exist.

I'm content being in that limbo you speak of, because I'm not ready to break yet
 

Support » Old Member Back with TGT once again » October 1, 2018 2:07 pm

Ellexoh_nz
Replies: 53

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PennyD wrote:

A lot of what you write..did resonate with me. The searching for proof ( yes it ends up feeling distasteful/horrible and I'm so glad to be through that phase, having got to a place where it no longer matters what he does on his fucking laptop when I'm not around)

This MOM I'm in is the hardest r'ship to be in because while I will not be in a r'ship with a man who wants men and actively pursues the lifestyle.....he's not pursuing, not searching/looking online (that I know of)...but therein lies the crux of it. I have a cloud of mistrust that covers my world, that colours all I do and I'm waiting for the day he says "I need to explore" or what is more likely is I'll just know he's keeping secrets from me and will have to 'discover' it all myself. 

But I have taken the step of protecting myself financially, and where once I thought about my life when he retires and we have time to spend together....more often I'm thinking about where I would live on my own. 

Good luck with your decisions and the break away from the history with your man that
has stopped you from wanting more


 

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