Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?

Support » another newbie, 1st post » Mon Jul 17 8:52 am

PS I love the statement " This is death without insurance or casseroles!"  That's true I'm mourning the death of a marriage, of reality as I knew it, of the loss of trust and the experience of betrayal.  Thanks to all for reach out to me.

Support » another newbie, 1st post » Mon Jul 17 8:45 am

Thank you so very much for your replies. I'm very grateful.  
You each gave me several thoughts I hadn't considered.  As a young woman I worked as an orderly in a mental hospital.  Occasionally they would put me on suicide watch with one patient.  It was frightening because they gave us no training in emotional self care. (It was set up so that we were physically safe.), Later a patient on my unit committed suicide on the 1st day the hospital had deemed her clinically ready to live in the hospital but go back to college part time. it was horrific.  I continue to work  in mental health, now at a clinical level but in an outpatient setting.
Your right, I can't play that role with my husband!  He and I agreed we'd have Plan B if I can't handle him living here, But I do have to be careful about being at risk for manipulation. He conned me and himself for years.  Even if he works at it he can't change that habit overnight,
I'm I'm more at peace with him out of the house that will need to happen.  I wonder financially how will make it,  While I was not a full time SAHM I did cut my hours way back to be a home and thus made a lot less money.
I do know that my state is a 50/50% divorce state with a marriage of endurance (10 years) means alimony for live for the spouse who has lesser assets.
I do love nature and have been making it a priority to keep our bird feeders full as best I can,  I have oxxasionally sat in the sun before it gets too hot and just let them sun soothe me.
I have no idea what to expect when he comes home,  If he becomes suicidal again I call 911.
it remains very hard,  I didn't go to visiting hours last night because a beloved friend was at the house.  I told him  I wasn;t coming,  I was curt and he less warm in return, I told him he could still come home but that I was in angry mode.
Again this is such a headspinner!  Last weekend we were swimming together and were good friends!  I have no idea how he has kept his life so compartmental

Support » another newbie, 1st post » Sun Jul 16 11:53 pm

I have been married for almost 37 years, together for 42.  While we had some everyday marital issues we've seen each other through so much. It also felt like a pretty great marriage.  This past Monday he came out to me, out best friend, our adult son and our son's finance.  I was devastated.  I didn't have clue.  He said he'd come to this realization in therapy over the last year and realized it was not fair to me or our son not to come out.  He said he had not acted on any of these feelings.  For that I was very grateful.  We cried and cried together,  I tend to believe that sexual orientation is not a choice.  Also given the time we grew up in (the 1950s/60's it seemed possible that he had taken this long to come out first to himself and then to us.
On Thursday of this week I told him that I didn;t believe that he hadn't cheated with men.  He admitted that he has actively pursued sex with men since at least 1994, protected and unprotected while also being sexually active with me.
I was a devastated. I still am.
Very soon after this disclosure on Thursday he came to me and asked me to take him to the ER, that he had almost taken an overdose of pills and was feeling suicidal.  In my shock I didnt feel safe to take him but dialed 911.  An ambulance took him to the ER that then transferred him to a locked Psych unit. He may be discharged tomorrow or early this coming week to our home.
I'm furious.  He was beloved by all our family friends neighbors, our son and me!
I'm also scared, sad, grieving. having trouble with sleep.  
I can't connect the man I experienced the the repeated philandering.  (I now know details that boggle my mind and I suspect there's more).
When he first came put on Monday with the no cheating version of the story and friends supported both he and I.  Our son told me he felt like he was in a cloud with mixed feelings but was happy for his father that he could pursue his real self and find happiness.
I know that for me this can nev

Board footera


Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum